I'll Give You What You Want

Video

"Do I really need to wear this?" I asked the costume director, Ann, as she was finalizing my look for the music video. We started shooting tomorrow and I had such butterflies in my stomach. The band still doesn't know I'm in it. The director gave me the script yesterday, I've been studying it like crazy. The only time there's real dialog is in the beginning, before any music starts.

I twist and turn in the mirror. I had only two looks for the video, and this one didn't leave much to the imagination. It was a black silk slip, with a slit on both sides going up the sides to above my hips. The trim is black lace. I was feeling a little exposed, especially since there was nothing hiding the outlines of my boobs. The back of the slip was scooped low to just above my lower back, a full view of my last tattoo no one has seen yet. It's on my spin and it's the phases of the moon. I sighed as I kept looking.

"Oh hush you." Ann swatted the air as she also took me in. She smiled to herself, happy with the look. She clapped her hands, applauding herself as she walked back to the rack of clothes. I watched her in the mirror. She pulled my second outfit to try on. A deep red dress, also silk. It looked to be form fitting. She pulled out a leather jacket, one that looked like something Damiano would wear. Without saying a word she waved me over. I padded my way over, bare feet on the studio floor. A chill ran threw me.

I sighed as I changed into the second outfit, she told me to wear my platform boots with this. I do admit, this outfit did flatter me in a way even I felt sexy. She pinned things here and there, but otherwise she was pleased with the look.

It was the end of the day when she sent me on my way. I walked out of the office, my mind playing over the script for the video. The butterflies returned.

Are they sure they want me to be the girl in the video? I was a nobody, a random girl that just happened to be around. I was nervous I would mess up, there were some scenes I wouldn't want to have to take over and over. What if they didn't like how I looked on camera? I'm not that pretty, I mean there must've been a reason I got cheated on, right?

I was lost in thought as I continued walking, eyes in the ground until I bumped into someone.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" I said and looked up, Ethan was looking down at me with a slight smile on his face.

"You look so concerned. You ok?" Straight to the point, I sighed in return.

"Just stressed, I guess, work things ya know?" I shrug as I glance up at him again, he nods.

"Let me walk you home, don't want you getting too lost in thought then getting lost in Rome." He chuckled and we both walked in time together.

We walked and talked along the way, I asked how the new album was going and he beamed. He was so excited about it, everyone was putting their all into it. He asked how I've been, "we haven't been able to see you much lately."

"I've been pretty good, you guys are keeping me nice and busy," I laugh a bit, "but I'm enjoying it. I do miss random cafe dates with all of you though." I scrunch my face up at him and he laughs and agrees.

"When we're on tour we'll all be together a lot more, I'm excited to have a beer face with us!" He smiled as we walked. Again, he reminded me of a giant puppy. I reached up and pinched his cheek, he scrunched his face and we laughed.

I always felt at such ease with Ethan. We both just flowed along together. Honestly, he felt as if we could've been siblings in a past life. I didn't ever feel like I had to do anything to entertain us when we hung out. I felt like that with Vic & Thomas too but they also loved to be doing something while Ethan was happy with doing nothing at all.