Through Her Eyes ✔

19. NUMB

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Soul feel is one of the soul bounds in which the person can feel all the emotions of the other piece of his soul. This stays until the person's or the other soulmate's passing.

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The gloomy sky had already past. The two of them has been quietly basking on the brightness of the afternoon, making them warm. Only one tree stands as if observing on the occupants of the two chairs beneath it, shading them. Every leaves that descends is counting every minute that is passing through. The wind whistling and the muffled song of happy birthday inside the orphanage is teasing the two from their awkward silence.

Her cheeks are hot since her fall. She looks on her foot compressed with an elastic bandage elevated on a chair. The man opposite him insisted on doing it when he requested two teens to bring a glass of ice and a first aid kit. She can't help but get so shy.

The scene was like in a fairy tale when a prince kneels down and takes off his beloved princess' shoes. It was so romantic and a bit sensual. Now, if she thinks about it. Her moans and groans was a bit unnecessary. It was embarrassing.

She fans herself even with the chills that the breeze brings. The silence lengthens.

"It's my birthday." She hears him whispers. She looks at him and meet his eyes. It makes her confused. His pretty eyes are now laced with sadness. His eyes seems to plea something on her before he bashfully looks away. She can't understand. It seems like he wants to say something.

Then she hears the cheerful singing inside.

Smiling, she moves a little and turns facing him. She tilts her head and tries to remember how one of the boys a while ago addressed him. She brings up her two hands and starts clapping with a rhythm.

This makes him turns and looks at her again.

"Saengil chukha hamnida~~" She starts. "Saengil chukha hamnida~~ Saranghaneun Jin-ssi~~. Saengil chukha hamnida. Happy birthday Jin-ssi." She beams the sweetest smile she can do. Her eyes crescent and her dimples showing.

He wants to cry. Why does he want to cry? He feels so happy he's about to burst into tears. He chuckles when she starts singing again, now with a faster tempo. He can't help but laugh with his squeaky voice. He attempts to stop himself but continues as she asks him to make a wish and blow the imaginary candle on her hands.

"Come on." She urges. "Let's make a wish together." She too closes her eyes and pretends to do so.

He watches her amused. He can see her thick long lashes as she closes the other eye while the other peeks at him, mouthing him to wish. He finally closes his eyes and wishes for happiness. Then he blows the imaginary candle and so the awkwardness away.

Both of them giggles. The air is no longer tensed as the two of them converse. Happily talks with topic of the orphanage. How he had found the orphanage. How she teaches the children sometimes. How, in a sense they have been passing each other but never met until now.

"How many do you have?" She innocently asks. This has taken him a back. He smiles and shakes his head.

"None...still single." His eyes intently observing on how she stills and smiles awkwardly.

"How many do you want?" He counters.

"As much as I can." She immediately proclaims, face blushing. This endears him.

"As much as twelve?" Feigning shock, he teases.

"Oh God bless my womb." She laughs. Tilting her head to the sides as if thinking on the possibilities. How wonderful will it be to have her own.

The two of them observe the children, as they are starting to go out again ang play among themselves. Very much energized with their recent snacks.

"You love children that much?" He can see her nods as she watches the children playing tag.

"Why?" He adds.

"They're so innocent?... They live as if they can conquer the world and live with eternal happiness. Look at them, even with the absence of their real parents, they can still be merry. On their eyes, they see wonders and know no boundaries. They don't know yet how cruel the world is." The last statement is low. This snaps him and looks at her pouty lips as it quivers before she bits it.

"Is it cruel to you?" His brows raised. His heart pounding, very nervous, as if he just stepped on something that he shouldn't have. Like the mine on those vast silent mine field that can be detonated the moment someone idiot stepped on one among them. He can sense the boiling anger and then sadness that wants to overflow from his gut. He knows that it comes from her. His Soul feel is reacting. The overwhelming sadness is threatening to once again drown his whole being. It's starting to weigh on his shoulders and making him want to puke.

"Honestly? It is... But it's okay... that how life is right?" He sees her smiles. Eyes a little bit hallow.

Then the feeling of throwing up abruptly stops. As if it never happened. He can feel nothing. Goosebumps run through his nerves.

A girl suddenly comes to her and offers to brush her dark brown curls. She thankfully obliges with her sweet perfect smiles. But none of those reaches her eyes. He searched within himself to feel her, but he can't feel her soul at all. Not even a tiny bit of it, even with her proximity.

She just perfectly numbed out her true feelings. She just blocks her sadness away and hid it to the deepest part of her heart.

Then he understands why she has the most imbalanced emotion that his psychologist said. One moment he wants to jumps with joy then he wants to cry with no reason, and for the most parts, he can feel nothing. The latter part frightens him as if his senses cannot locate any type of emotion at all. As if his soulmate is gone. Dead. That's why he is happy even he sometimes feel unexplainably sad, because he knows she is still there. He knows that somewhere, she exists.

He now understands. He connects everything. How Yoongi was silent, how Jungkook can't tell her even if he has the time to do so, how Jimin was a bit hesitant and how Taehyung is so confused. He knows now why the Yoongi actually suggested to not tell her about the soul bounds, when their talk came about her the other day...to not say about them being her soulmates unless they are so sure that she feels them too...those euphoric sensations... those gold glitters.

He was so confused when the three considered Yoongi's suggestion. Imagine his shock of the agreement from their three impatient maknaes. It's as if they were afraid to tell her the truth, especially their Taehyung. "Not now." They said.

He had read something about this. One of those research materials in psychology he happened to see among Yoongi's collections of books. The two used to be room mates. He was bored that time, a bit interested to learn about numbness. He somehow wanted to numb his senses too. When he read about it, he learned some horrifying facts on it and so decided to never numb his Soul feel. He bets their Yoongi knows this too.

Their soulmate is numbing all her senses out, to the point that she can't feel the soul bounds, to the point that she can't feel them, her soulmates... her seven.

His eyes gentle as he studies her more, giggling with the child with a faraway look of her eyes. He impishly chuckles as she smiles at him when the little girl bubbles about a funny story.

His heart heavy, wondering why she has become like this. What triggered and started all this?