Love On The Pitch

Reflections

2 weeks later

Sitting by the window in her apartment living room, Alex runs her fingers over the soft blanket draped around her shoulders. Feeling only the  smooth soft fabric under her finger tips, the rest of her body remained numb.  Her mind drifted to flashbacks of that awful night when the happiness literally washed from her body in the colour of crimson red. She sat in silence as the rain fell down the window pane remembering the loss of life. Their life.  Reliving the sound the machines made from her hospital bed. The beeping and humming of the fluorescent lights above. The feel of his hand in hers as the doctors explained what she already knew. She could feel her body wanting to weep. The tightness in her chest making it harder and harder to breathe. But nothing. No amount of pain in this moment of reflection could bring on the onslaught of tears she wanted to shed for the life that will never be.

The buzzing of her phone broke her vacant stare. She didn't have to look. She already knew who it was. When they left the hospital, she told Bastian that she needed some time alone. Taking time from work was difficult. Jogi and Dr. Wolff insisted even when Alex pushed to return. she flipped the screen over and....

"Please Alex.... I love you... don't shut me out. I know you need some time but I want to be here for you. And I need you. Please call me.....or text me back baby."

Lifting the phone to type a response, her fingers  flew over the keys... stop... backspace.... Placing the phone down she turned her head back towards to window to watch the rain continue it's slow and steady fall.

Watching the little bubbles appear in his chat was the happiest Bastian had been in 2weeks. Finally he was getting through to her.  Finally the lines of communication were opening and he could tell her all the things he's wanted to say and that everything was going to be ok. They could do this together, heal together..... be together. Then she stopped... and every ounce of hope drained in that moment. The night they lost the baby was the single most heartbreaking moment he had ever experienced. He saw the life drain out of her face just as the life drained from her. That was what hurt the most. Losing a baby is gut wrenching, but watching the love, hope and happiness empty from her face was excruciating. All the beautiful things that made you fall in love with her, fell away to a void and unrecognizable expression. Replacing her. Covering her. Rising from the chair in his bedroom, Bastian grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

There's only one way he could distract himself from the pain in his chest, and that was to run himself ragged.  Heading to the field he would try and pull his mind from the pain.