I See You

Chapter 1: When they first met

Trigger warning: Although this chapter does not contain the following, I advice you not to read the rest of this story because it would contain discussion of mental health, suicide, self harm, etc. If these topics are triggering to you in any way, please refrain from reading, I understand, and please take care :)

Daisy

Monday, October 11

Today is going to be the day. The day I become a better person. The day I prove myself. The day that I step out of my comfort zone, and-

"Hey! I'm Sally. What's your name?" A girl sits down across me, her face inches away from mine. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is curved into a smile. Her face is the epiphany of friendliness and welcoming. Say something. Say something! She tilts her head, waiting expectantly. Oh, shucks she's waiting. She won't be waiting for much longer. Come on, why am I not saying anything? This is my chance! I fiddle with my fingers and bite the bottom of my lip. My heart is pounding like a drum in my head. I try to open my mouth, but it's clamped shut as if closed by a zipper. Finally, I open my mouth ever so slightly to speak-

"Ey Sally, who ya talkin' to? Come on already!" Sally looks over my shoulder to see someone waving at her. Standing up, she gives me an apologetic smile as she scurries over to join her friend. That was it. My chance was gone.

My shoulders slump. I sigh. Biting my fingernails, I grab my water bottle and trudge my way back to class. On my own. Again. Why couldn't I answer such a simple question? It was literally just my name. Just one word. Why couldn't I answer it? It was the one chance I could've seized. I could've said anything and I would've gotten the friend I always wanted. I wouldn't be walking into class alone. I want to go back in time and yell at myself, and pry my mouth open to answer her. Frowning, I ruffle my hair as I step into the classroom. Frustration burns like a fire within my soul. I told myself I'd be better today!

I plonk myself down at my desk and rest my head on the table. Thoughts swarm around in my head like bees as I gaze out of the window. Time is fizzling out. It's almost the end of the last term in high school. Our final exams are already next week. And I still haven't made any friends. A 16 year old, without having made any friends in her life. Maybe...I'm meant to be alone.

. . .

"Class dismissed!" Chairs scratch across the floor. Noise and buzz immediately fill the air. I swing my bag over my shoulder and scamper out of class. Usually people stay behind to wait for their friends, to chat with them and make plans. Except I don't have any friends. I watch those walking in groups, pairs even, with envy. Why is making friends so hard? Why does it seem to be so easy for everyone else?

"Wait up!" I hear a voice yell. I don't turn around, because it must be for someone else. Jealousy pangs in my stomach. I wish I had someone to call out to me, to want me to wait for them. But then I feel a tap on my shoulder, so I turn to see a schoolmate, panting, with his hands on his knees and sweat dripping onto the floor. His curly, black fringe nearly falling into his deep, blue eyes. His face breaks into a wide smile, and his arm reaches out, palm open.

"I'm James," He says, eyes locked with mine. "You sure walk fast you know, it wasn't easy catching up to you," His open palm hangs in the air expectantly. My fingers automatically start twirling my hair. I shuffle my feet and my eyes shift down to my shoes. His friend called out to him. He already has to go.

I feel cold sweat trickle down my forehead. It's taking too long again. It's going to be like this morning again. I won't be able to take this chance, as much as I want to. He already has to go. My chance is already gone, again. Because I'm meant to be alone. I'll never make friends. Never.