I See You

Chapter 3: We are not moving

Trigger warning: There are implications of self harm & blood imagery in this chapter. If you are not in a safe space right now, I advice you to either stop reading or to skip to chapter 4. Please take care of yourself!

James

I thought nothing would have made my day better. Clearly, I had been wrong. Where were my other friends when I needed them? I guess I can't blame them, especially since I tend to snap at others when I am in a bad mood. But this is why I don't trust any of them. I wouldn't call them my friends, I'd call them my acquaintances. To me, they are just people I hang out with in school so that I am not alone. Sometimes we have fun, but we rarely tell each other about what is going on in our lives. We avoid talking about it actually, so we don't know each other at all. The things I talked to them about were always game or school related, nothing else. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that, after all, we made quite a few good memories together. I just... I'm not so sure if they will be there for me when I need them.

It's kind of sad, since it feels like other than Jessica, I have no one to talk to about the shit that goes on inside my head. Well, I mean... Now I have Daisy, I guess. But I don't know how to open up to her just yet. But she's willing to wait until the time comes.

My phone starts playing our favourite song, so I know who it is. My face lights up to match the brightness of the screen.

Contact name: The Other J 🥰

Jessica: Hey Jamie. She looks really pretty! Omg, I wish I were her. I'm glad to hear you made a new friend 😆

James: Yea, I still don't trust her fully. But I can see us being friends. See you this Saturday. Love you❤️

I anticipate her next message as I watch the three dots move up and down like a little caterpillar.

My heart plummets and falls into the pit of my stomach. Time seems to come to a stop.

Jessica: James, I'm sorry. I can't meet up this Saturday. Something came up. I'm really sorry. We'll meet another time, okay? You can tell me all about her on call tonight 😣

James: ok.

Jessica: Thank you for being so understanding, I'm so sorry. I love you too babe❤️

I stare at her last message, with the heart next to it. I touch the screen as if I can feel the love through it. How I wish I can just... teleport next to her. It's been forever since I last saw her. Is she really that busy? I don't know why, but I feel a bit anxious. She has been so distant lately, even though we still call every night. On call, it felt like she wasn't listening to what I had to say.

But I already know that she is busy studying for her finals, since they are so near. She must've been so tired staying up all night and burning the midnight oil. So it makes sense why she seems distracted, she must've been so tired that she could barely function. She has always been strict on herself about her grades, because she wants to make her parents proud, even though they never really pressured her about them. Yet, she is still making the effort and using her precious studying time to call me.

Despite knowing all of this, despite knowing that I am being selfish, I wish that she didn't study so much. I wish that she hadn't cancelled on me for Saturday. I stare at the box, with the necklace in it. I had spent so long staring at necklaces until they all started to look the same, just to pick this out for her.

I inhale deeply. It's fine. It's fine. I'll just. See her another time. My shoulders slump, a heavyweight upon them. I'm not disappointed at all. I can't be disappointed. As long as she's okay and I can call her, I should be happy.