Snapshots From Life

Chapter 13 - Fear

Harry eyes fluttered open. 'Something's not right,' He thought to himself. It's been a long time since Harry had woken up in the middle of the night feeling wary, years actually. 'Nothing's wrong, is it?' he thought. Harry closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep but the thought of something being wrong started to nag at him. 'Maybe if I snuggle up to Ginny it'll go away,' he thought as he rolled over to put his arm around Ginny, but she wasn't there.

Harry sat up and looked towards the master bath but there was no light coming from underneath the door. 'That's odd,' he thought as he grabbed his glasses and stepped out of bed wearing nothing but his pajama pants. He padded across the bedroom to the door and knocked softly and whispered, "Ginny? Are you there?" There was no answer.

Harry started to worry now. This wasn't like Ginny. He left the bedroom and quietly walked downstairs. After searching the study, the office, and the kitchen Harry walked into the sitting room, where he saw Ginny standing in the middle of the room. She was staring out the window into the square across the street in just her nightgown.

Harry stopped at the doorway and asked, "Ginny, are you ok?"

Without moving her gaze from the square outside Ginny answered quietly, "No."

It's been a long time since Ginny had been upset to the point when she woke up in the middle of the night, longer than Harry. She had always been the rock of their relationship. Even in the aftermath of being possessed by Tom Riddle, her nightmares didn't last more than a couple of months. Harry slowly walked towards Ginny and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

As Harry approached Ginny, he looked at her face, he saw the streaks of tears that were still running down her cheeks. Ginny's eyes weren't quite focused and were red and puffy from crying. Harry stood next to her and took her hand. He knew enough to just stand and wait. When Ginny was ready, she would talk. Harry knew what this was about. It always came back to when he went out to the Forbidden Forest to meet Voldemort.

Ginny finally turned to look at Harry and said just above a whisper, "You were dead."

Harry turned and stood in front of Ginny and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Ginny's eyes focused as she looked up to Harry's eyes. He could now see the fear that was in them. "When I saw your limp body in Hagrid's arms, a part of me died too. When I heard Voldemort say that he had killed you, the grief flooded through me like a raging river. If my dad didn't stop me, I would have charged him. I probably would have ended up dead too. I wanted to be dead."

Harry finally broke his silence, "I'm not dead. I'm right here with you."

Ginny's went on like he wasn't even there, "I collapsed into my dad's arms as he tried to console me." Ginny swallowed and took a shallow breath, "I was hysterical. I didn't want my dad. I wanted you."

Ginny's eyes welled up again and the tears started flowing down her cheeks once more. She fell into Harry's arms as sobs racked her body and she began to shake, "You were dead."

Harry held Ginny tight and kissed her head. He remembered hearing Ginny screaming when Voldemort claimed that he killed him. He almost ruined the whole charade when he heard Voldemort call Ginny a stupid girl. Hearing her scream was a memory that still plagued him to this day. He never wanted to hurt anyone by going into the forest, but he saw no other way to destroy the evil wizard and to save everybody.

In between sobs Ginny said, "It took a long time to get past that shock of seeing you dead even though I watched you jump from Hagrid's arms to fight Voldemort. I couldn't believe it. Even though you were alive, again, I was still scared." Ginny let the tears flow freely down her cheeks again. "I never told you, but I kept a close eye on you after that day. I was so afraid that I would lose you, again," Ginny said as she continued to cry. "There were nights when I watched you sleep. I didn't sleep because I needed to make sure you would still be there in the morning. Before we were married and both living at the Burrow, before you moved here, I would sneak into Ron's room and just sit on the floor watching you." Ginny's voice began to crack, "I needed to be sure you were still alive."

Guilt started to fill Harry as he listened to Ginny cry. He never wanted to hurt anyone by doing what he did. In the process of destroying Voldemort, he hurt Ginny.

After Ginny stopped shaking, she looked up at Harry's face. She reached up to his forehead and traced that lightning bolt shaped scar that was there with her finger. Ginny then took a step back and looked at Harry's bare chest. She knew that Voldemort had cast the killing curse on Harry in the forest. That spell not only killed him but also killed the piece of Voldemort's soul that lived inside of Harry. Ginny could see a lightning bolt shaped scar right over his heart. She then proceeded to trace that scar with her fingers. Ginny looked up to Harry's emerald green eyes. Those eyes that Ginny loved so much. Those eyes that lit up brighter than the sun every time Harry looked at her.

Harry stared back into Ginny's deep brown eyes. He could see the fear in her eyes begin to shrink. Ginny sunk back into Harry's arms, "You were dead."

Harry smoothed Ginny's hair as he held her. He could feel her ragged breathing as she continued to cry into his chest. Harry whispered into Ginny's ear, "I'm right here."

Ginny's sobs slowed and then stopped all together. She sniffled, "Don't you ever die on me again. Promise me that you won't."

As irrational as Ginny's request was, Harry replied, "I promise."

Ginny looked up at Harry as her tears finally stopped. She stood on her toes and kissed him. Harry gently kissed her back. He carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. Harry saw the fear Ginny had left her eyes entirely and a very small, tiny bit of a smile came across her face and played at the corners of her mouth.

Harry smiled at Ginny and asked, "Better?"

Ginny slightly nodded in response. Harry kissed her again. Ginny closed her eyes and felt Harry's warm lips press up against hers. Ginny pulled Harry down to the floor and had him sit down. She climbed into his lap like she used to do with her father when she was a little girl. Harry wrapped Ginny up in his arms as she laid her head on his shoulder. Harry would sit like this all night if he had to. He would sit like this for as long as it took for Ginny to feel better. Ginny put one arm around Harry and gave him a light, soft kiss on his cheek.

Ginny just sat in Harry's lap and listened to him breath and felt his heartbeat. She started to feel safe again. The fear that she felt before was gone. Harry always knew what to say or what to do to make Ginny feel better and this time was no exception. He never failed her. Ginny asked Harry once how he knew what to do and say. He just gave her one of his dashing smiles that made her heart melt and simply said it was just a gift he had. Once again, Harry's gift held Ginny's demons at bay.

Part of Harry's gift was always telling Ginny what she needed to hear, not what she wanted to hear. Ginny knew it was preposterous to make Harry promise he wouldn't die, but at the time she just needed to hear him say it. Harry understood that.

They sat in silence for quite some time before Ginny muttered, "You're not dead."