Sunshine

Chapter 10

Aditya

I stiffened when she sat with her head resting on my shoulder. Her touch made me go through hell lately. I can't forget what happened... It simply did not go from my mind. And I felt worthless... Incompetent.

"How is your mom?" She asked me.

"Fine," I told her. If it was like before, I would have told her how mom had bought me a lot of stuff from the business trip and told her everything. But I simply could not talk up.

I took her hand in mine... I wanted to hold on to the thought that I was with her. Then I felt that the fabric of her top felt a bit different. I took her kurta in my hand a felt it...

"Is it a new one?" I asked her.

"What?" She asked as if she had not expected that question and hence did not understand it. Well, I did ask the question out of blue. "Oh...yeah. New one."

"Why didn't you tell me you were wearing something new?" I asked her.

"Eh...It just slipped my mind."

"Slipped your mind? I can't even know if you wear something new. Then, if I don't know, you should tell me, na? You used to tell me."

"Well, I was thinking about a lot of things today. Hence...it slipped my mind to tell you that I was wearing something new. What is the big deal in that?"

It is a big deal. For me...

I can't see it... I don't know which kurta suits her best. I don't know what colour looks good on her. I don't know even when she wears something new... Everyone else can see that.

"Adi..." She called. "Please....don't think useless stuff."

I am becoming too wired lately. I feel like she will disappear...

We sat there in silence for some minutes. It was not the nice kind of silence that we had before. I used to like those nice kinds of silences. That was the only time I used to like silences. When we would sit, with her head on my shoulders, just listening to the sound of birds and wind, no one talking anything... That was good.

This silence was eerie. It was eerier than anything I have experienced. My eyes hurt as I put more pressure on them trying in vain to make them able to see the world.

"Let's just go home..." She said then.

Why? She wanted to spend time with me...

Ah... I messed up. I brought up the topic of the dress uselessly. She got up. I wanted to say sorry and ask her to stay a bit longer. Because I did not want to part from her either... But I did not. Something held me back.

I got home that night. Mom was making dinner when I got home... But I did not feel like eating. I went to my room and lay down on the bed even without changing clothes.

The bed... It reminded me of that evening.

I can still remember the feel of her skin... The way it felt under my hand. The way I could feel her irregular breath and crazy loud heartbeats. I could remember the curves and shape of each of her body parts... My mind cannot stop thinking about how she quivered when my lips touched her...

I placed my hand over my eyes... Although that does not make any change. Idiot... Useless... Totally useless...

I needed her like oxygen. I could not stop wanting to touch her like that again... But, at the same time... I know what the means... What happened, would not change. I Will have to repeat that again... She would have to help-