Always and Forever

Safe Space

    I woke up the next morning feeling like crap; my head was pounding and I had a migraine that felt like someone was stabbing my eye. I slumped out of my bed and sat down at my vanity to get ready for school, and I looked in the mirror and saw a swollen red eyed stranger staring back at me. "I better fix myself so people won't suspect anything," I said to myself. I ran downstairs to get the cold spoons I left in the freezer to put over my eyes to bring the swelling down, and luckily that did the trick. I did a simple makeup look and I was grateful it was enough to hide the redness on my skin. Next, I put my brown hair up in a ponytail to bring some brightness into my face and so I wouldn't hide my face behind my hair.

This was one of my bad days with depression; I rarely had the motivation to get ready and move about my day. I took a deep breath and exhaled to keep my heart rate down and to clear my mind. "It's okay, Lil. You can do this," I inhaled. "You have done this before, and you've survived," I exhaled. "You've got a hot boyfriend coming to pick you up in a few minutes," I reminded myself in the mirror. The thought of Connor coming to pick me up for school made me smile and my heart grew warm and fuzzy. I did my breathing techniques for about fifteen minutes and then my heart stopped racing; I felt better. "Today is going to be a good day," I told myself.

I heard a knock at the door and I knew it was Connor, I happily ran down the stairs to answer the door. I opened it and it was Connor! "Good morning, beautiful," he greeted with his cute smile. "Good morning, handsome," I stood on my toes to kiss him. He hugged me and then he sweetly kissed me back. "How are you today?" he asked as we walked to his car; he held my hand as we walked. "Better, now that you're here," I kissed him on the cheek. Connor ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead, "What's going on?" he asked concerned. "When I walked in the door last night, Mom and I got in another fight," I replied shamefully. We got in the car and set off for school.

"What happened? How can I help?" he put one hand on the steering wheel and held mine with his free hand. "She got mad at me for staying out past curfew, and I blew up at her telling her that she never gives me a break. I told her I just want to be a normal teenager and not have to be the housekeeper all the time," I felt pangs of guilt in my heart. We had already been through a lot as a family. "You were just expressing how you felt, there's nothing wrong with that," he reminded me. "I know, but I was angry," I looked down at my sneakers ashamed of my actions. "That's part of being human, the raw part of being human," he told me sympathetically. "I agree," I laced my fingers with his. "Lily, if anything like that happens again, just call me no matter what time it is, I will always answer," he vowed. I smiled gratefully, "Thanks Con, I'm grateful you're my safe space," "We can be each other's safe space," he adorably corrected with his smile. "I like that," I kissed him on the cheek and laid my head on his shoulder. I felt safe and sound with Connor.