My Dad, the Joker (A Batman fanfic)

Chapter 26 (Joker's POV)

(Because this is the museum scene from the movie, I have replaced Alicia with someone else and parts for Harmony; I added an image of the actress wearing the same dress I planned Harmony to wear - just ignore the text on the image - ) 

Ha, ha, now that my date with Vicki Vale was set up, I could get ready to go to the museum; she probably thought it was that Bruce Wayne calling her to meet her there, but it was one of my goons, who I might add was a very good impressionist. I was to meet her at the Flugelheim Museum, but I didn't want to scare her, so I put on make up. I used foundation to cover my bleach white skin and black hair dye to cover the green hair. 

"Hey, dad, what are you doing?" Harmony asked me, with a confused face; I saw her reflection in the mirror. 

I turned to her with a smile and said, "Daddy's going to make some art, darling." 

"Ooo, sounds fun; mind if I tag along?" 

"I thought you had a date with young Richard tonight?"

"He had to cancel; his grandmother ended up in hospital." Harmony looked sad, but I knew she would want Dick to go to that hospital for his grandma. 

"Ah, that's a shame; I guess you could tag along. Go put a nice frock on. Maybe that green one you got for your birthday last year." 

"I love that dress; yay, time for an outing with daddy!" She cheered on her way to her room. I smiled, she was so much like her mother. Just to clarify, I didn't love Miss Vale more than Harley. She was just an interest that I thought to keep me busy. 

I have a couple of my men disguise themselves as guests at the museum to make sure things go according to plan. Vicki Vale walked into museum and asked the guy at the desk where Bruce Wayne's seats were. He pointed her up the stairs. She asked another man where Wayne was seated and he led her to the right seat. She waited at least an hour, before I sent in my gift. It was wrapped in a white paper box, with a ribbon around it. On top was a note in red saying 'URGENT'.

Inside was a green and orange gas mask. With it there was a note in green saying, 'put this on right now'. She looked strangely at it, before a gas started to seep in (courtesy of Bob). The guests (apart from my men as they had their own gas masks) start collapsing. She instantly put on the mask.

Once everyone else were unconscious, the men inside radioed for it to be safe for me to enter. I enter the building with my daughter and some of my men. I wore a purple beret instead of my top hat.

"Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds; Lawrence." I instructed Lawrence - a rather big fella - to turn on the boom box to play Party Man by Prince. He does as he was instructed. My men, Harmony and I proceed to rip, paint and destroy most of the paintings in the room, all while dancing along to the song.       

I made my way to Vicki as we continued to make the paintings better. I stopped Bob from slicing a nice painting of death at the top of stairs. I told him, "I kinda like this one; leave it.""

I spotted Vicki Vale sat still with the mask over her face. One of my men place a candelabra and a champagne bottle on the table, along with two glasses. Lawrence stopped the music. My daughter was off in the museum, reeking her own havoc on the paintings or probably just looking at the ones that she liked.

I tell Miss Vale, "You can take that off now, I think."

Bob took my cane, jacket and gloves, standing to one side of me. Vicki shakily does as I asked her to. She was obviously frightened.

"Beautiful, in an old fashioned kind of way. But, I'm sure we can make you look more like today." I use a blow touch to light the candelabra, making Miss Vale flinch a bit; I spotted a folder on the table, "Is that your portfolio?"

She nodded, 'yes' in reply, so I start to look through it; I repeated 'crap' at the ones that bored me. Until I came to a lovely selection of dead and mangled bodies. She said, "I'm meeting someone." 

"Now that's good work; The skulls. The bodies. You give it all such a glow. I don't know if it's art, but I like it." I smirked, "Let me tell you what I am thinking about, sweetie. I was in the bath the other night and I realised why I was destined for greatness. You know how concerned people are with appearances. This is attractive, that is not. That is all behind me. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functional homicidal artist. " I laughed.

"What do you want?" She asked after a short pause.

Obviously being serious I said, "My face on the one dollar bill,"

"You must be joking?" She gave me a look that said 'Really?'.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Meh," She shrugged. 

"Listen, we mustn't compare ourselves to regular people. We're artists. For instance, let me challenge you to a little piece I made. Bob, Falicia." Bob goes to get my latest 'squeeze', "You will take pictures and record my work. Join me in Avanche Art."

Falicia was wearing a porcelein mask, that looked like a geisha, "Jack, you said I could watch you improve the paintings."

"Oh, I'm in trouble now." I laughed.       

"Why is she wearing a mask?" Vicki asked 

"Well, she's just a sketch really. Felicia, sit down and show the nice lady why you wear the mask. She's a living work of art." Felicia took off her mask to show her disfigured face, giving Miss Vale a jump, meaning she jumped right out of her seat in shock, "Well, I'm not Picasso, but do you like it?" 

"It's great, so what do you want me to do?" She asked as I backed her in to a wall. 

"Oh, a little song, a little dance. Batman's head on a lance. Tell me what do you know about..." I pretend to be a bat, though not very good like. 

She instantly replied, "I don't know anything about Batman." 

It got me thinking she was lying, so I said, "Hmm, how about a little you and me?" 

"You're insane." 

"I thought I was a Pieces. Come on, how about a whiff of my poesy?"  I squirt acid out of the flower attached to my blazer, and she screamed; I actually missed her on purpose. She threw water at me, when she managed to get her hands on a jug of water. I pretend I'm melting, and in pain, so she tried to comfort me, "Boo!"

My make up washed off; I show her my true face: the bleached skin, the ruby red lips and the green hair. She screamed again. Boy, could that girl scream. It actually got annoying after a while. Batman crashed through the glass dome and grabbed Vicki, telling her to hold on, which she does. He shot a line launcher, I followed to where one point went. He glided on it, escaping with Vicki. I leaned on the banister, saying, "Where does he get those wonderful toys?"

My men, Harmony and I escaped before the cops could arrive.