Aftermath

7~Sherlock's POV

"Sherlock, why am I really here?"

"You need to sleep, John."

"I could've gone home."

I look at him. He has that look, like he's questioning me.

"I wanted to know you were safe."

"I pretty sure Mycroft's watching me. I would've been fine. I was a solider. I've killed people."

"You were a doctor."

"I had bad days!" I burst out laughing at his face.

"What?"

"This is the second time you've told me that!"

"It's true!"

"I had other reasons."

"Like what?"

"I missed you."

"Sherlock, it happened once. And I told you never again."

"You weren't saying that last night."

"I was never going to see you again last night! Besides, you turned me down."

I strode over to him.

"John Hamish Watson, I may regret saying this, but you've changed my life for the better. And I will always be grateful. I love you."

John just stands there, staring at me.

"John? Are you okay?"

"Sherlock, why didn't you tell me this BEFORE I married Mary?"

"I wasn't sure."

"What do you mean you weren't sure?"

"I wasn't sure if I felt like that. You're the first person I've ever felt anything about."

"No. Sherlock, you are a sociopath. You don't feel anything for anyone."

I am shocked at what he has said. His words create this sort of feeling inside me. In my stomach. I think it's pain. Not the physical kind.

The pain of rejection.

"You're right. I'm incapable of emotion. Im sorry. Forget I ever said anything." I stormed to my room.

"Sherlock, I-"

I slam my door to cut him off.

God, this is why I hate the 'normal' side of me.

No, I don't hate that. John did that. He made feel the wonderfulness that was love, hope, and pure joy.

He also just opened me up to pain.

It's a horrible, gut-wrenching pain. Rejection is awful. I need to become an unfeeling, unaware monster.

No. I can't. I may have trouble understanding what happened to me when John got here, but it was nice.

I let out a scream of frustration at all of these conflicting feelings.

"Sherlock? Are you alright? Can we talk?" I take my revolver out from under the pillow and shoot at the wall in lieu of an answer.

"Okay, then."

I have to talk to him eventually.

Just not now.