Aftermath

18~ Sherlock's POV

I don't remember much about the hospital after John left. Just that I cried. A lot. I remember being moved to a different floor. 

I think I was moved to psych. I remember a doctor - I don't remember her name- who said she was a therapist, and she wanted to know if I could be trusted not to hurt myself. No matter how many times I said yes, she still wouldn't let me leave. 

I cried so much, I got dehydrated. I didn't leave my room. I refused. They tried to get me to talk, but I wouldn't. 

Except about John.

It's a wonder they let me go at all. Although I imagine Mycroft had something to do with it.

As I walk out the hospital doors, I see Mycroft.

"You're going to want to turn around."

"Why? I need to find John."

"He never left the hospital."

"What?"

"The security camera never saw him leave the hospital."

"Then why hasn't he been found? The hospital isn't that big!"

"We have been looking, but not very deep. We thought you'd like to find him first."

"I don't care who finds him, as long as he's found!" I growl.

"Well, then I'll tell my men to dig a little deeper."

"Good." I turn on my heels and walk back into the hospital.

He's here. In this building. 

I could go room to room, but that could take weeks and he may be dead by then, or Moriarty could move him.

I need to find him.

Think, Sherlock, think! 

Mind Palace.

I sit in a chair in the waiting room just inside, and close my eyes. I need to find the layout of the hospital. 

After sitting there for what feels like hours, I still can't find them.

Why can't I find them?

I know why. I can't focus. I reach in my coat pocket, and find my wallet. I open it and find the keycard I stole from Molly a few months ago. I walk to the stairs and walk down to the basement. I don't think I'll find what I'm looking for here, but I have to try. I walk into the lab, and am immediately reminded of the first time me and John met. I brush off the memory. I walk to one of the drawers along the wall and open it. Just like old times. I pick up a handful of it's contents and walk to the fridge along the wall. I open it, and find what I'm looking for. I didn't think I'd ever want to see it again, now that I have John. I grab a few bottles and find a box to put my 'goodies' in. I walk out of the lab and up the stairs.

Once outside, I hail a taxi. I get in and tell the cabbie the address. Mycroft didn't think I should be alone, but I managed to get past him. I throw money at the cabbie and get out.

I walk up the steps and open the door.

"Ms. Hudson?" I whisper. When I don't get a response, I run up the stairs and into my bedroom. I remember the key, and since I don't want to be disturbed, I open my door to go find it. I notice it's still in my lock. I sigh as I take it out, remembering the last person who touched it. I lock my bedroom door and sit down on my bed. I just stare at the box for a while.

Eventually, I open it. I reach in and take out a syringe. I also take out one bottle of morphine and put the rest on the floor. I'm careful this time, I do less then usual, but still enough. As I inject the needle into my arm, I think about how I'm betraying John, by doing this.