Aftermath

13~Sherlock's POV

I gasp. There's something in my throat and I can't breathe but I am. The thing... it's coming out. Oh God that hurt.

"John?" I gasp.

"I'm here. I'm never leaving again"

"John?" I try again hoping he'll shut up.

"I'm here. I'm right here."

I decide to say it. I can feel myself slipping...

"John, I love you."

And then everything is black. I'm not breathing anymore, so I think I'm dead. But it's not like last time. I don't see anything. There isn't a bright light like some people say there is when you die. 

I can't see, I can't breathe and I don't feel my heart pumping anymore. I give up.

I told him. He'll be okay.

But I can hear, and mostly it's just the sounds of them trying to bring me back, but it's useless. I've given up fighting. But then I hear him.

"Don't die, Sherlock. I- I can't live without you. Please just don't..." Then he stops and I can hear him crying and I hear the doctor.

"Time of death..."

No... I can't die, not now. John needs me. I force my lungs to breathe, and my heart begins to pump and the blackness lifts, and I'm in a room full people who a second ago thought I was dead.

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"How could I die? I saw how you were last time." I attempt a laugh, but I doesn't help. My throat hurts, as I had tubes shoved and pulled up and down my throat today.

"Sherlock do you remember just before you... you umm..."

"Do I remember saying I love you? Yes, I do."

"Did you...did you mean it?"

"I... I um..." Now it's my turn to stutter.

I look at John, and I know.

"Yes. I meant it. I don't know what it means, but I meant it."

"Well, what do we do now?"

"Well, first I think we need to 'come out'. No one even knows we're gay or bisexual or whatever we are. Actually, I think I first need to get out of this hospital."

"That's not going to happen any time soon."

"Why not? I'm not going to die anytime soon am I?" By the look on John's face I can tell I said the wrong thing. 

"You coded three times, Sherlock. The morphine is still in your system, and every time it gets to your heart, your heart stops. That's why you are in the hospital still. Also, they are going have to do a psychiatric evaluation."

"A psychiatric evaluation?" 

"Yes, Sherlock. A psychiatric evaluation!"

I can see he's getting upset. "I haven't used the needle since you gave it to me." Until yesterday, I think.

"Why? Why did you use it yesterday?"

"I... I..." I get this feeling in my chest... like a fist... too tight...

"John... I..."

Then everything goes black.

But I'm not dying.

I can feel my body, can still breath, can feel my heart, can hear.

I feel my arm hit something, but I didn't move my arm. Then my foot hits something soft, like flesh, although I don't remember telling my legs to kick anyone.