(Zutara) Let Me Pretend; Your Soul is Winter Fire

Lake Laogai: As Above

He should have asked her in the tea shop, but he didn't. He should have asked her when he walked her to the Middle Ring's check point. They were alone, it was the perfect time. But he didn't.

Katara, maybe I can teach Aang firebending?

Seven easy words. Words he's been spending weeks building towards. Words Azula's plan depends on.

And what is he doing instead?

Zuko huffs a disgusted noise into his arms, burying his face deeper into where they loop over his raised knees. When his mom was alive, he'd take his problems to the turtleduck pond. She'd either already be there waiting for him or find him after he'd had time to sulk and wallow before being ready to talk. Now all he has is space to sulk and wallow. Now all he wants is his mom to tell him what he should do.

Or why he's hesitating to do it.

It's not the right time, he convinces himself. I'll know it when it is, this is everything I've ever wanted. Uncle's moving up in Ba Sing Se, he's going to get a lot of attention in the Upper Ring. Maybe he should wait this out, let their fame spread and cement. The Avatar will hear about him on his own. Katara will vouch that he really has been in the city all this time and done nothing. Then, then will be the perfect time to-

Zuko shoves his face into his elbow and groans. This is what cowards do, justify their inaction. It's also what earthbenders do, according to Uncle. Wait and listen, finding the perfect moment to strike. So, what's his perfect moment? When? He's been waiting, he's been listening, trying to find a crack in Katara's defences, in everything she's said to him and to Blue, and he's got nothing. When is the moment? Where is the weakness?

Something ruffles the air by his good ear. He hasn't used his firebending in months, but his reflexes are still sharp, hand whipping out to snatch whatever's buzzing by his ear. He expected a bug, maybe a wasp rat skulking about the lower ring slums, not the paper he practically shreds with the ferocity of his grab. He's crumpled it beyond recognition, but he's not want for long before another floats down. And another. And another.

Thousands whisp by from high above Pao's rooftop, fluttering all the way across the Lower Ring. Zuko flashes briefly to the last storm he was in, the snow falling in sheets as it drove into his eyes, the Avatar's weight across his back. He hadn't waited then. He'd beaten Katara and reacted impulsively, and almost died in that storm.

The next sheet which flutters by he grabs smoothly, knowing before he even looks at the placid, stupid face of the beast the Avatar rides on that this is it.

The moment to strike has come.

~ ~ ~

"The Avatar's lost his Sky Bison," Zuko says without preamble, cutting off his Uncle's inane rambling about what to name his teashop. "That's what's keeping them in Ba Sing Se."

There could only be a few precious things that would keep the Avatar from moving on, no matter how important it might be for the Earth King to meet with him. He was a message for the people, he is needed to be around for all of them. Zuko's angry at himself for not figuring it out sooner.

He's angrier at Katara for not telling him.

"We can find it first," he bulls on, shoving the irrational thoughts aside. Except why wouldn't she? He trusted her to keep his secret in the city. What if he could have helped her? What was so horrible about him knowing that she'd take on another burden?

What was so horrible about him?

Uncle takes the missing bison flyer from his hands and reads it over. The face which looks up is not the one of triumph Zuko was expecting. "We have a chance for a new life here. If you start stirring up trouble, we could lose all the good things that are happening for us."