PSYCHOMACHIA // matty healy

9.

He woke up before me, his jittery hands reached for a mug in one of my kitchen cupboards. They mugs clanged together and the hum of the kettle boiling brought me around; he looked like hell.

"You look dreadful," I croaked.

"Good morning to you too." He quipped,

"Go sit, I'll make the tea."

There was silence while I brewed the tea, both of us choosing to ignore the elephant in the room. But as soon as I brought him his hot mug, I couldn't ignore what had happened.

"Are you gonna explain what happened last night then or what?" I sighed, sitting next to him on the pullout bed. His back was hunched over and he didn't speak for a few moments,

"I don't know how to let go of her. She's been consistent in my life for a long time now, I'm afraid to let go even though I know it's never going to be the same. I'd rather put my thoughts to sleep." He furrowed his bushy eyebrows, causing his weathered skin on his forehead to wrinkle.

"I know it's hard, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm not saying I agree with everything you've done, but you're my friend and I want to be there for you and support you in any way I can." I placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, "I promise you'll get through to the other side. But this has to stop, I don't mind helping you out or looking after you but I also don't want to enable your behaviour. I'm more than happy to help you keep clean."

He nodded sombrely, "thank you."

"Do you want to stay here for a bit?"

"If you wouldn't mind? I don't think she wants me back there anyway." He paused, "Sorry for waking you last night."

"It's fine, I was up anyway."

When I checked my phone, Oliver had texted me.

I really like you, Esther. I'm sure this doesn't come as a surprise, which is why it hurts even more knowing you fucked me over all this time. I wish I'd never even known you.

My heart instantly sunk and tears welled in my eyes. I felt ridiculous being upset when I was the one who was not clear with my intentions, yet I found myself creating justifications. In all honesty, I hadn't known it was so consequential as I hadn't seen Oliver in such a long time. I wanted nothing more to love him for my own sake, but there was nothing. Neither of us were experts in being honest it seemed. Before I could even begin to formulate a response, I heard Matty creep up behind me.

"Can I hop in your shower?"

I instinctively switched off my phone in a panic, looking Matty in the eyes guiltily which he certainly noticed but didn't comment on.

"Sure, there's a fresh towel on the rack and whatnot in the shower."

We spent the rest of the day lounging around my apartment, we watched an entire series of one of my favourite shows. As much as I liked being solitary, I didn't mind the company. Maybe it'd do me good as well as him.

Initially, the other girls took the piss.
"If anyone told you that you were gonna be living with Matt from next door this time last year, you would've lost it." Selma chortled,

"I guess he's grown on me, it's only temporary. Also, staying at mine for three days is hardly living with me. You should've seen him the other night, honestly, he was a right state."

"Well aren't you charitable, I suppose we'll see what happens." She grinned and winked, I could only roll my eyes.

The days turned into a couple weeks, we started doing most things together. Late night walks to the studio and messing around with different Logic projects rather than getting any of our own work done. He asked me to help him with harmonies for one of his songs and I recorded him,