Never Said

2. SECRET MEANING [Off]

.oOo.

A friend of mine left today--actually, I showed up to see him before his trip a day late. He left yesterday. I was so convinced his flight was scheduled for tomorrow, that we would have today--tonight together.

One last night with each other before parting ways for a few months.

I'm usually very punctual--I like to arrive early and to keep my commitments. Sometimes I might be a little late, usually because of traffic, but not like this--never an entire day late! Aow! I can't even figure out what happened!

We missed each other--like ships passing in the night.

"Travel safely, nong."

.oOo.

My friend left three days ago. It's been quiet without him around. The silence gives me time to think--like about this one time when I was rummaging through his closet to borrow a shirt for a spontaneous photo shoot, and I left a note:

'Stole something that belongs to you. Will return it later...maybe...'

A couple of hours after the groups had finished taking pictures and eating dinner, I came back to my condo to find a small piece of paper on a table with a single line in his familiar, messy writing:

'What? My heart?'

I chuckled and put the shirt in the laundry. A few days later I returned the clothing to his closet with another note attached to it--just a simple, clumsy drawing of a heart with a smaller, equally awkward heart inside of it.

That night, during a video call with him, I was thinking about our friendship and wondered about those words–though neither of us ever mentioned that incident.

"Aow. Did you ever find my note...?"

.oOo.

My best friend left three weeks ago.

I'm not really sure what to do now. It's too quiet.

No nighttime meal and a movie. No joking around, no secret videos or sleeping photos. No more browsing around the mall, looking for outfits or accessories.

No one cutely stealing my food and drinks.

No more hugs and kisses.

Things I didn't think I'd ever be without? They're all gone now.

Even the text messages have stopped. He said he needed a new phone, that the area he's in is very remote, and it would take some time to get settled.

I can wait.

I'm patient.

"I miss you."

.oOo.

My favourite person left two months ago.

I didn't realize just how difficult adjusting to his absence would be. It took time to get used to him, but after I thought about him not being with me, how sad that would be to nat have him in my life, I resolved to change. After that, we went everywhere together, did almost everything together. It was hard at first to let him into my heart, but now that he's gone, it's even harder to fill the hole he's left.

He's not here to help me smile when I'm unhappy or to be my hug when I'm frustrated. He's not telling me to take care of myself or to stop me from eating things I shouldn't.

And he's not there, asleep on the sofa, waiting for me to finish a long day of filming.

Seeing an empty sofa makes my heart so sad.

We video call now and then, but it doesn't fill the hollow, ATP-shaped space inside of me.

"I chipped a tooth and I'm waiting for you to scold me."

.oOo.

My partner left five months ago.

He's been filming his next series in another country and there were some delays that pushed his queues back. The crew had planned to return last month, but it seems like another two months of shooting is necessary to catch up.

We text occasionally. We're both busy with work--we mutually understand that our schedules take priority right now--but my schedule frees up in five weeks, and I'm planning a trip to visit him. I haven't told him that yet. I'm looking forward to it. I bought him a small gift I'm excited to give him.

People keep asking me questions about him--about us. I don't know how to answer directly so I've been intentionally vague and mysterious. I'm not good at keeping secrets, I know I talk too much, but I'm also not ready to talk about us without him.

I like talking about him. It makes me feel like he's nearby. I can't wait to be near him again--to be close to him.

I can't wait to be with him again.

"Stay with me. Always."

.oOo.

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