Never Said

6. HANDLE IT [Gun]

★ WARNING: depression

.oOo.

Sometimes I wonder what happens in the dark, when things are coloured a midnight hue. Dim lights brighten pockets of time where we store our memories.

Where I can see your face.

I miss you when you're not here.

When I can't see you.

Knowing you're gone makes the day dull, the edges of sleep and wake blur.

I have a hard time going through the motions. Moving forward.

Don't dwell, they said.

Just forget it, they said.

But...I can't.

I can't forget you.

We were together for so long. We fused into each other's lives.

We became a part of each other.

How can someone just...forget their other half?

How can you remove a part of yourself?

I can't.

I can't do it.

During the day I can pretend. When I see the faces of those who know--of those who care. I can pretend for them.

But...at night...when the dark comes and I'm alone...

I can't. I believe in you. You're amazing.

I smoke the cigarette. I hate those things.

I take the pills. You shouldn't take those. Am I not enough?

I crawl under the covers. So cute. Too cute.

I fade from existence. Fan dii na.

During the day, I see you everywhere. In photos or IG posts. Magazines. Ads. Old posters for past events. Recordings of old lives. I hope we get another project together soon.

I see you, but I miss you. I miss you, too.

You're there, but your not. I'll always be with you.

But at night...when eyes are closed and dreams are being spun...

You're there.

With me.

Inside of me.

Inside my heart.

But I know when I wake up in the dark, uncompromising night...

You're gone.

And I wonder what happens in the dark, sitting in bed, alone. My heart pounding, sweat clinging to my clothes and covers. I reach for where you should be...but you're still gone.

Uncomfortable.

Inconsolable.

Crying.

Until the sun rises and I see your face in photos, smiling just for me.

And then I go through my day, smiling for others. Crying for you.

And then I go into the night, smiling for you. Crying for me.

.oOo.

Votes and comments are welcome. They help the creativity along. ♥

★ Thank you for reading. ★