Never Said

1. SAME PLACE [Gun]

.oOo.

I swore I wouldn't tell, and I haven't. After you said--no, after we agreed to not mention it again, I've kept it locked inside, kept quiet about it.

It was a one-time thing.

But...

It's so easy, you know?

Being near you, I mean.

I don't think you understand what it is you do to me. Being in the room alone with you was almost more than I could handle--well, I guess I didn't handle it considering what happened?

Maybe it was the situation? The energy of winning those awards and all the surprises and support we received, being in front of so many people--of doing a live with such a large group! The adrenalin was so high and we were all so excited and when we were finally alone after spending such an emotional and active weekend with everyone, I...

I thought we'd just be exhausted, you know? And it was past your bedtime, after all.

But...

Ooii! Why am I feeling so shy?? We see each other every day! We eat together, work together, travel together...

We've done so much together! Almost everything together...!

But we're usually not alone.

And I think that's what the difference was. We were alone.

Like, really alone.

No cameras. No workshops. No friend spies. No phones recording us or people teasing us.

Just you and me.

Alone.

Together.

Papii~! Why can't things be simpler?! Why am I stuck thinking so much about you when you're right here? It's like you're distracting me from you! How is that even possible??

I love being near you. Being near you is relaxing, safe. It usually stops my overthinking. I can't imagine a day when we don't meet up somehow. But being with you is something else entirely. Touching you and being touched by you. Being close.

And I wonder, if we could ever be alone again...would you let me do–

Aow.

The phone in my side bag vibrates aggressively and after grabbing the hem of your shirt to guide me forward, I check the notifications.

But I'm just going through the motions--following comfortably behind you, scrolling through my alerts. I'm not paying attention to any of it because I keep thinking about you. Overthinking about you?

I sigh. I can't not think about you--about it. About what happened, I mean.

Wait. Does that make you my crush?

Aow. I never thought of it like that. I've had infatuations before but they've always passed–and never on someone so close to me.

"Oof!"

You stop suddenly and I bump my head into your back. You chuckle and I know you're looking over your shoulder at me, but I'm...still shy. I know I should have been paying attention, but now I'm trying to hide in my phone. Hide from you.

I follow your shoes with my eyes as you shift to my side and slid your hand around my fingers, pulling me forward, resuming our walk.

I can't help the smile and I looked up to see your lopsided grin. You raise one eyebrow and I'm pretty sure you looked at my phone before shaking your head in judgment, but you just continue leading me through the thickening crowd.

I tuck the mobile back into my bag and grin, walking faster to match your stride.

I like this. I like this a lot. I like it like I like your scent--the soft, warm smell of smoke and–

"Nong."

You gesture toward the lift, and I feel like every movement has a secret meaning behind it--from letting me enter first, to pressing the button and then standing so close to me despite the ample space.

I fiddle with my bag strap as the floors passed quietly by. I look up to see you checking your mobile and your smile is still there. We both shift our weight as the elevator slowed to a stop.

I felt your hand on my lower back, directing me through the crowd again as we leave the dense crowd and moved toward the car park. I thought I saw more than one person aim their cameras in our direction but I didn't turn to look. I only want to look at you.

Sliding into your car I smile again. And you chuckle again.

The drive was quiet except for the radio playing songs we sometimes sing with. We laugh, and I feel happy. We don't always need to fill our time with talk--for me, you're easy to be around. I like that.

I like you.

I...

I really like you.

Pulling the vehicle toward the curb near my building you put the car in park, leaving the engine to idle. Releasing the seatbelt, I feel you gently hold my forearm. I pause, staring at your hand.

"Gun."

Looking into your eyes, I bite the inner corner of my cheek to keep a neutral expression–but then I swear I feel your thumb lightly caress my arm.

I know we said we wouldn't mention it, but it's been three days and I–

"Tonight. Same place."

I nod quickly and you release my arm. My cheeks are warm but all I can do is push myself out of the car and turn around. You put your hands back on the steering wheel and throw a wink and air kiss my way as I closed the car door. I can't--wait...what?

You just said–did you just...?

My glitchy brain is still trying to process your words, and I barely register your car pulling back into traffic until a motorbike passes through the empty space in front of me.

Heading awkwardly into my building, the cooler temperature did nothing to calm the heat in my face. My cheeks hurt from smiling and all I can do is rush to catch the lift, lost in my head and my heart.

Tonight. Same place.

.oOo.

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