𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘 [hiatus]

𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐝, 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥.

Morax, or rather Rex Lapis, was not perfect, contrary to popular belief. He had flaws too - it was just that they were not usually seen.

He was a ruthless warrior, a merciless killer. He, although he may deny it every now and then, enjoyed the bloodshed. He was drunk on the adrenaline, feeling unstoppable with every death of his enemies.

So drunk, that he forgot his contract with you.

He thought he had it all - strength, authority, a land which he could call his own, a friend he could trust - and he did. He did have it all.

When your life is as successful as his, most tend to forget their humble beginnings.

So, as surprising as it is to most, Rex Lapis forgot. He forgot you, your voice, your features and your personality. It all turned into Guizhong, and even your fiery red eyes had somehow melted into stormy grey.

In his life, you were but a wisp of the wind, fleeting and forgettable.

(Your existence was nothing to him, until it wasn't.)

Your death reminded him of the phrase 'you'll never know what you have until it's gone', because it was true. He did not cherish you the way he could, should have, and instead, he forgot you. What a sin he has committed.

He realised that all those times you came around, he cared for you less and less. When you inevitably stopped coming, he noticed no difference in his life.

Why have you, when your sister was already there? He had asked himself one day, sitting on one of the stone seats in Mt. Aozang. Your sister was the better version of you - or so he thought.

She was not as talkative or bright as you, preferring to be calmer. She did not sing as much as you, only doing so when trying to get her beloved glaze lilies to bloom. Troublesome flowers they were, but their beauty was worth it.

He decided that your sister was the better of the two to form a union with, clearly more responsible, and perhaps even smarter, than you.

(She was everything you were not.)

Perhaps you meant something more to him in a different life. Perhaps he wasn't so cold and unfeeling in a different life. Perhaps he wasn't even a god in a different life. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

All perhaps and what-ifs were just a hope that someone would be different, an illusion of the mind to give hope although it was quite clear that those very people would rather die than change. What benefit would it be to them to 'change for the better' when their lives were already fine as they were?

Rex Lapis' philosophy, for the longest of times, was that. For thousands of years he stood by his belief that he had no reason to change, for he was already the prime of adepti; the god amongst gods. He went for the ones that benefitted him, and killed off those who did not.

When the Archon War rolled around a few thousand years after your death, he realised. He acknowledged it, but felt no reason to change himself. While his hands and soul may forever be stained in blood, he was still the one in power. Who would dare to go against him?

When Guizhong fell, he felt remorse. He felt remorse for not protecting her, remorse for singlehandedly managing to kill two goddesses while not by his own hands but his actions. With Guizhong, he was careless. With you, he didn't care enough.

Yes, everything was his fault. Everything, starting with your death. Try as he may, but your forgiveness was never to be given to a sinner such as he, a monster he will forever be.

You may be immortalised in his memories, but in Liyue, it was as if you were never there, just like how you had been for so long up to the last minutes of your life.

And perhaps, that was how it ought to be.