Trapped

Don't Know What To Do

When I arrived at Charlie's House, I didn't know what to expect or think since we hadn't spoken in months after a "falling out" we had when I felt like she turned her back on me. And that's the worst feeling ever. But, we'll get to that later. I rang the doorbell, nervous about what'll happen, what she'll say. I was nervous about everything. "Hey!" How've you been Brishanna?" Charlie asked nervously. Her body language was nervous, I guess she could feel I was nervous too. "Could be better you know. I'm trying to make it through." I explained. She put her down, I guess she felt ashamed, I really don't know, but the look on her face kind of told the story. "Um, come in". Charlie said. "Sure". I said blankly. Her house looked a little different, the living room looked bigger like they'd done a little remodeling. She had a chandelier when you first walked in the door. And then the living room was by the door so you could easily see it because it was an All-white living room like the one T.I has. And the stairs leading to the bedroom and bathrooms were beautiful. Oak stairs. Splinter free. That's good enough for me because i'm clumsy ass hell. "Are you gonna come and sit down? Or just stand there staring into space like something crazy?" Charlie hollered. "Girl shut the fuck up, i'm coming!" I rhetorted. I took my precious time walking to the couch just to annoy her and the look on her face was funny as hell. But I finally sat down. "You play too damn much". She said laughing. "ANYWAYS, what did you want me over here for"? I asked. "Well, I know things are fucked up between us, but i've been going through alot lately. My relationship isn't going right anymore... well to be completely honest, its over. I got tired of hearing the same shit over and over again and to keep going back, was hurting me even worse. And the saddest part is not knowing how much I hurt you in the process. I was blinded by how happy I was with her...". She explained, stopping mid-sentence, crying.  I wiped her tears, i couldn't watch her cry. "Look at me, i'm sorry about what happend between you two. I thought you were happy, but at the same time I know you weren't. I just felt like you weren't. But during that time, you changed. I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You aren't the same person I fell in love with long time ago, nowadays its like i'm talking to a whole different person and that shit hurts. Yeah I had you on hold for a long time, but was that a reason for you to do what you did to me? You don't even understand how much you put me through. More mentally than emotionally because you promised you wouldn't be everything you turned out to be. And no, I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed that you turned out to be everything you said you wouldn't. I've been through alot too, traumatizing shit to be honest. But with you, at the end of the day, its still love. Ima go now". I explained, getting up and walking towards the door. As soon as I put my hand on the doorknob, she called my name, which sent chills down my spine. "Brishanna". She called out. I looked back without saying anything and looked dead in her eyes. "I love you". She said lowly. "I.. I love you too Charlie". After that, I walked out the door and just put my head down on the stearing wheel when I got in my car. I was confused and lost at the same time, I didn't know what to do. I kept wondering where her head was at? Should I? Or Should I not give her a chance? I was so lost because she knows and I know she wanted to be with me, but she got tired of waiting and I can blame myself for that one. I just needed to go home and think this shit through.