Sinbound: Variants

Part 18

I raise my head, letting tears fall softly down my cheeks. I knew one day I would lose my mother, but I didn't think it would be when I needed her the most. She said the way to defeat my variant was to love her, not overpower her. I wonder how Loki is going to take that.

I inhale sharply, my breathe broken in places. I clutch the necklace she gave me a long time ago; I haven't taken it off since I found it among my things. If I'm going to learn to love myself again, even after everything I've done and after this variant I've created, it's going to be for her.

I push myself off the floor, feeling dizzy. I wobble over to the dresser where I had the copy of the journal stashed away and robotically take it out. I close the drawer and go back downstairs.

A few people have left except for Peter and Bucky. They're sitting at the table now, just talking. Fleur seems to be doing well, her and Bucky are getting along alarmingly well. Loki seems pleased and Peter thinks having a variant is 'just really cool' so he's of course enjoying himself. 

I pause in the doorway while no one notices me yet. I'm very quiet, and I hold on tight the the papers in my hand. Loki senses my energy and looks up suddenly, his brows furrowing in concern. In a swift glide of his hands he transfers the binding between him and Fleur to Bucky, who tries to reject the bond. His efforts are in vein while Loki stands up, rushing over to me.

"Darling, what is it?" He asks, embracing me. I sob into his shoulder, wetting the tight fitted black long sleeve he's wearing with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows.

"Loki..." I manage to let out through my tears. I can't see what the others are doing beyond me at the dining table, but I hear a soft voice call out.

"You alright, doll?"

"No!" I say loudly, my voice cracking on the one word.

"Talk to me, my dear. what happened?" Loki says, pulling away slightly to cup my face in his hands.

"She's gone."

"Who is?"

"My mother. She's gone, I just saw her leave. She came to me and... and brought me to this place that was so beautiful, then she just dissolved into this gold power and was gone..."

Loki, I imagine thinking about his own father, pressed his lips together and held back tears. "I'm so sorry, Ayca." He says, his voice fragile. He pulls me back in to his embrace, and I can feel the warmth coming from his body.

"Ayca, I can take Fleur back to her cell if-"

"No. Keep her out for a while, she deserves the freedom. As long as you keep her with you." I say to Bucky, who nods and gives me a sweet smile. 

"Can I give you a hug too?" Peter asks, standing up from the table and coming over to me. Loki holds onto me, being a bit protective.

"It's ok, Loki." I say, rubbing his side to let him know he can let me go. I move from one body to the other, feeling the smaller, skinnier embrace from Peter. He nuzzles his face into my neck and I take a deep breath, enjoying the hug from my friend.

Loki tugs on my shirt, wanting me back. I don't move, and his tug gets more impatient. I release from Peter and he gives me a little side smile. "I'm here for you if you need me." He says as I'm being pulled away from the kitchen by Loki gripping my hand. 

He pulls me into another room that leads to a balcony. We sit on a comfy bench with a cushion and he pulls me in to cuddle with him. I lay my head on his chest while he traces his fingers across my back, drawing circles. 

"Tell me about where she took you. What did it look like?" He asks, his voice low and comforting. I tell him about the flower field, and how the colors were so vibrant and beautiful it looked like they had a filter on them. I told him about the mountains and how the grass felt on my feet, the cold, soft blades tickling my ankles.

He moves his hand and opens his palm in front of me. He uses his magic to sprout the exact flowers from the field in his hand, with even a little dirt crumbling through his fingers. I gasp in amazement at his simple magic, yet envy how simple it really it is. I hold the bottom of his hand and bring it closer to my face, admiring the plants.

He chuckles, watching me with such love in his eyes at my joy from his magic. He knows how to make me smile. A few tears leave my eyes, but I keep my smile tight across my face. I think he really liked my mother too, and this was his way of showing me that she's still here with us.

He relaxes his hand and lets the dirt fall, and it disappears before it hits the ground. I lay my head back down on his chest and take in a deep breath, matching his. We let it out at the same time, and he holds me tight for just a moment.

"Loki, I love you." I say, not meaning for my words to come out at almost a whisper. He kisses the top of my head.

"I love you so dearly, my darling. I'm truly sorry about your mother. Please tell me if there's anything I can do to help you."

"Just be here with me." I respond, snuggling into him. He exhales sharply, and I can feel his cheeks rise as he smiles. I hope he feels as though him just being here is enough.

Suddenly we hear screams from downstairs, and we both look at each other with the same startled expression. 

"Fleur!" We say at the same time. We rush down the stairs, me fumbling a little at the bottom from missing a step. Loki gracefully catches me and stands me back up, not skipping a single pace as we rush to the scene.

We stop short, my hair flipping in front of me and landing hard against my shoulders. Loki wisps his hair out of his face with a twitch of his neck, then rocks back on his back leg to relax.

Bucky stares down at his metal arm on the floor, confused and concerned as all hell. Fleur is trying to burn the pages of the journal I had given her, and Peter is restraining her by a web trapping her hands against the lower cabinets. 

Loki and I burst out laughing,  even though Fleur is in obvious distress. I understand how overwhelming learning about our family is, and I'm sure somewhere deep down I feel bad for her, but at this moment I can't help but release everything out as laughter.

"Bucky, what happened?"

"She... She took my arm. I don't know how it happened!"

"She must have used her magic to take it off, Mr. Barnes!" Peter calls from the kitchen, letting Fleur remain trapped under his web. She struggles, and he turns back to her to say, "Oh, yeah, you're not getting out of that."

But to his boyish surprise, she fries the webbing and breaks free from it. "Oh, oh no! Oh god, ok, wait, no!" Peter freaks out, rushing back to her as she tries to continue her mission of burning the journal pages. 

I walk over to her slowly as Bucky picks his arm up off the floor, looking completely innocent and defeated. Loki begins to admire it as I wave off Peter, who steps back a few paces and leans against the counter.

"Fleur?" I ask her calmly. Her hand hovers over the stove flame, a few pieces of paper in hand. She looks at me with anger and sadness in her eyes. They're red, and the veins under her skin glow a reddish purple, just like mine. "I know."

"why did you keep this from me?" She demands.

"I didn't. There was going to be too much for you to handle. I was trying to help."

"Why? All you want to do it kill me in the end. Why are you being nice to me now? It's as if I'm the cow, and you're only being nice to me so that when you slaughter me later you can at least say I was 'raised humanely'." Her eyes water, and her cheeks glisten with tears.

I sigh, then snap my fingers as sparks of red and purple ignite around my finger tips. Instantly, the printed out journal papers are lit with a little golden orange flame, and she lets go as she watches the pages turn to ash.

"Why did you do that?" She asks.

"Sometimes we have to loose touch with who we used to be in order to become who we need to be." 

She blinks at me, then releases another wave of sobs. She inhales a sharp breath as I move in closer to hug her. To my surprise, she hugs me back.