june 2nd
seattle
loving you, isnt the right thing to do
how can i, ever change things that i feel?
-go your own way, Fleetwood Mac
I wanted to go home. It was unusually warm in the coliseum. I was in the front row tonight, opposed to the side, where I usually sat. Venus had begged me to sit with the others. I much preferred the side of the stage, but I couldn't decline.
"Isnt this great?" Venus asked me, eyes wide and full of excitement. I nodded un-enthusiastically, watching Lilith belt.
"Don't be so glum, dance with me!" Venus took my hands, jumping around wildly. I was getting dizzy, the dark purple lights making me feel faint. Thankfully, the song ended. I collapsed into a chair, chugging water.
"This song, is for someone in the audience tonight." I heard Jesse utter into the microphone. I stood up, listening to the slow, mellow strum of the guitar. Lilith's enchanting voice filled the room, goosebumps forming on my thin arms. The voice stopped, only the instruments booming through the building. Jesse's voice took over while Lilith twirled around playfully.
"Loving you, isnt the right thing to do. How can I, ever change things that I feel?" His voice sucked me in, like a siren to a sailor. It was sweet, but also harsh. Raspy, but also smooth.
"You can go your own way, go your own way..." He locked eyes with me, holding the stare for the entirety of the song. I swayed slowly, bumping hips with strangers surrounding me.
He finished the song, taking one last strum on the guitar.
"Goodnight, Seattle!" The band yelled as the lights went out. I felt Athena's cold fingers wrap around my wrist, dragging me through the crowd. I ran after her, up the steps to the stage. We ran through the backstage area, down the halls, stopping outside the dressing rooms. I opened the door to an almost empty room. Jesse was alone, putting his guitar in the case.
"Hi." I took a deep breath, my heart beating rapidly from the run here. Athena left, running off to God knows where.
"Close the door." He whispered. The first time I'd heard him speak since the incident. I turned to the door, closing it silently. I turned back, suddenly face to face with Jesse.
"Jesse, I..."
"Shh." He put a finger to my chapped lips.
"You have to stop giving me mixed signals." I whispered, looking up to meet his eyes. He was almost a whole foot taller than me. I stood at 5'1, him at 5'10. He felt like a giant when we stood this close.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. It has no meaning.
"You just sang about how you want me to go my own way and now you're..." He tucked a hair behind my ear, leaning down to kiss me. I felt my eyes roll back into my head, the color rising to my cheeks. I felt like a teenager in love. I practically melted. He cupped my small face in his hand, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. I could've gone on forever, but he pulled away after a minute or two. He turned away immediately, returning to his guitar case.
"I'll be seeing you." He grabbed the case, pushing me slightly to the right in order to open the door. I sunk to the floor, head between my knees. I felt woozy, like I'd had too much to drink. I walked to his dressing table, looking through his things. I wasn't surprised by anything. Cigarettes, a lighter, cologne, a picture of his family, some random lyrics scribbled on a napkin, cash, a pair of stud earrings, a couple rings, and a pocket watch. It was the next drawer that surprised me. I was shocked to find my lipstick, a small bottle of my perfume, and a photo of myself tucked under a handkerchief. I didn't know if I should've thought it was sweet or creepy. I closed the drawer, grabbing my things. I left the room, running down the halls of the coliseum.
