First and last love

chapter 9

Kiara's P.O.V.

The room was bleak, cold and completely dark. It was quiet and somber in there and I felt a chill as the darkness engulfed me.
I switch on the light...I am humming tune, Sam was singing. I am thinking about him and smiling.
I was so lost in his thoughts I change my dress and went straight to the bed.

I barely know him still I find a connection between us.
I can understand this feeling but I don't want to feel this love again.
Someone broke my heart once back in highschool. I won't do it again with myself but what if he is different & he is not like other guys?

I have abandonment issues.
Ava always says my thoughts are irrational. Well yes, they may be thought of as irrational to someone who isn't swallowed by the fear of emptiness.

You can't possibly fathom the thoughts of someone scared of when the next person will leave with their heart and secrets right?

I am scared if I love again he'll leave me too. He will just leave...no good-bye, no explanation.. nothing!!

Sigh!!

Goshh! Abandonment issues eat you from inside out. They make you second guess yourself. You may even have the occasional thought that you're overthinking all of this, but then there's always that night where you're at your loneliest and there's no one to comfort or hear you out.
What would you do in that situation? Open up to a friend? Yeah, that'd work for the first couple of times, but soon they'll be fed up with your tears. They'll leave just like the others have and when they leave they'll try to make it seem like it's a mutual split up. I turn to other side of bed. I talk to myself

Abandonment issues are making me learn some people weren't meant to be in your life.

Now I developed a thought that it's a law of human nature no matter what you do, no matter how much you care for them and tell them they mean a lot to you, still they'll leave you.

My phone rings...
"Hello Kiara, its Ava's friend Jessica. I just called you to inform you that she is with me at my place. She was very drunk and started losing consciousness so I took her with me."

"Jessica?? Yeah Ava told me about you. How is she doing?" I ask

"She is fine, now she is sleeping." She replied.

"Okay tomorrow I'll come and get her."

I hung up the call.

Maybe I am thinking too much but these are my thoughts. I cannot control it and this girl Ava, always do this to me she doesn't have control on herself now what can I do.

I am not able to sleep because of thousands of thoughts running in my head.
I am thinking about my day suddenly Sam's name pops up on my screen.

STILL AWAKE!!

Yeah awake I texted.

Why? Are you thinking about me? Did my thoughts gave you a sleepless night? He laughs with emoticons.

No its Ava. I am alone and I couldn't sleep alone especially when I know there is no one here.
What if someone broke into my house? I asked.

Well I am just one call away,
call me when you need, I'll be on my way. He replied.

Yeah I know..I know my savior but you are really far away till then broker will shoot me as soon as you make it to my home.

Nothing like that will happen. He replied.

Suddenly doorbell rings

Someone is ringing the bell at my door!! Who will be up at this time what? What if he is an intruder? I text him.

It's me Idiot..open the damn door its cold outside otherwise I'll freeze.

I suddenly open a door. He was standing right there leaning on the wall holding a phone.

"Why would intruder walk through the main gate?" He laughs.

I justtt forget it! The look on his face made me shrink back from him.
"What are you doing at this time?" I ask

"I didn't feel like leaving you alone, so I turned the car and came back.
Would you not invite me in?" He scrached back of his head.

"Oh! Yeah please come in." I said.

"Now I would like to have a coffee." Coming in, he said.

"Yeah, sure..sit."

I am coming back with your coffee in just two minutes.

Sam was sitting at the couch looking around.

I came back with a coffee.

He was looking at a baby pic hanging on the wall.

"Awww!! You were so adorable." He said making a baby face.

"Thanks! Except thats Ava." I said handling him a cup of coffee.

"Ouch!! Well now I am looking at you and  you are beautiful." He winks at me.

"Try something good next time. Are you here to flirt with me? Let me tell you it's of no use!" I said smiling.

"But your smile is saying something else. By the way I am here for world's best coffee.
How can anyone give up on such a good coffee?" He said taking a sip of coffee

I blushed!

There was silence everywhere and he was looking at me curiously.
Only the sound of clock was heard. It was 2 a.m. and we were not sleepy of course!
He played a soft music.

"Would you like to dance with me Miss. Davis?" He said giving his hand towards me.

Then he pulled me close one hand moved down the small of my back he was dangerously close to mine.
"You smell so good." He whispered in my ear.
I could feel the heat from his hand as he was holding me.
I close my eyes in his arms tighten around me, I melted into the folds of his arms. We started swinging with the rhythm of music.
That's the feeling I was missing. This is what I wanted.
He lifted my face for a kiss, "you are one of a kind, you made me lose my mind and control." He added.
I looked away, I was avoiding his eyes and trying not to look at him.
Sam sensed something was off with me he couldn't understand what was it.

"I get a feeling you're pushing me away from you. Whats wrong?" He asked.
"It's nothing, I am sleepy." I said and went over to the room.

He walked up behind me and turned me around to face him.

"Why are you behaving like this? I could have sworn I have seen in your eyes. You feel the same what I feel for you but why are you pushing me away?'

"I don't know its complicated." I said looking down.
I wanted to kept my feelings hidden. He was right I started getting feelings for him.

I promised myself I won't fall in love again I don't want to hurt myself but I do want to feel love again.

"No problem take your time." He said.

We continued to sleep on the same bed.

"Can I ask a question?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"You have never been in love?"

"Love is setting a place at the table for someone who's never coming.
Well yes I did fall in love once but this love shattered my heart in peaces. Now I am scared to fall in love again."

"Life always offers you a second chance. Never be afraid to to start over because it's a new chance to rebuild what you want." He said hugging me.

I just shook my head and didn't say anything.

There was unbearable silence between us and we drifted off to sleep, curled up in each other's arm.

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