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About 2 weeks later:
May 19th
"...Nah, that'll work. You're right. It's just for a couple of days...The 24th? Sure...I'm just tired...No, it's fine...yup...10 o'clock...bye Scooter."
Justin hung up the phone and I looked over at him, watching as he plopped down on the couch.
"What was that about?" I asked, picking up one of Hailee's stuffed animals and put it back in the bin.
"Some promotional stuff. I have to fly to Miami on the 24th. We're going to release another single before tour just to pump things up a bit."
"Wait, the 24th?"
"Yeah..."
"Justin, Hailee's birthday is three days after that. We already told her we'd be doing something here or home, and Gabby is coming back."
"Hun, this tour is now almost three months behind schedule."
"So you've been saying, and trust me I know, but you've been beating yourself into the ground with this thing. If you're not at rehearsals, you're working out, or in your room working on music. The last time you've ever spent anytime really with Hailee is when you took her to the award show, and it was an award show."
"But I got to spend time with her."
"You're exhausted. You've barely seen her, and we promised her we'd be home for her birthday. Miami is not home."
"We'll work around it."
"And how do you suppose we do that?"
"I don't know, but I'll figure something out."
"We haven't even gotten her presents yet. I've barely seen you. I know you have to work, but Hailee is only going to want to spend time with us for so long, I'm only going to be pregnant for so long. You said things were going to be different."
"And they are. I'm trying."
"Not very hard."
"I really don't know what you want me to do." He shrugged.
"I want you to be here with your family, and I want you to put your family first like you said you would!" I snapped, and his head shot up, looking at me with his eyebrows frowned together.
"Is that hormones talking, or you?"
I opened my mouth to speak, then I snapped it shut, walking away down the stairs to where Hailee was.
"Wait, Lauren..."
I kept walking, ignoring him behind me as I went in her little play room.
"Hey girly, whatcha doin?"
"Having a tea party, what are you doing?" She giggled.
"I was checking up on you,"
"Lauren-" Justin said from behind me, but I held up my hand.
"Wanna play?" She asked me.
"I have to finish up some stuff upstairs, but then I'll come down, alright?"
"Ok." She smiled at me, then turned back to her stuffed animals.
I let out a small laugh, then turned, forgetting for a moment that Justin was standing there.
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't want to hear it." I said, walking by him, but he caught my hand, turning me back around.
"Why are you so mad?"
"I'm mad because you are focused all on your music again. Before you know it, Aria is going to be in the picture, and then what happens?"
"I already told you."
"Youre not showing it. You said things were going to change, and they aren't. Youre working more and more. You leave at seven or eight, get back at dinner time, then you're doing one of the things I said before."
"Im getting back on track with this whole thing. It's been hard."
"Justin, getting back on track is not trying to film a music video three days before your first child's birthday."
"Certain things need to happen."
"Then it can happen after. What happened to family comes first?"
Then I brushed past him, walking up the stairs to the living room.
I picked up the rest of Hailee's toys, putting them in the toy chest, then I went into our bedroom and got a sweatshirt before I headed back downstais.
"Hey Hail, I'm-" Then I cut myself off, hearing Hailee laughing from her play room.
"Why does he get more than me?" Justin said.
I peeked my head in the room, a smile curling on my face as I looked at them.
"He was here first silly." She laughed.
"Maybe I want more."
"Do you?"
"Yes." He nodded, then kissed her cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too Daddy." She laughed, handing him a goldfish.
"Thanks." He chuckled.
"Mhm."
I walked away then, guilt brewing in my stomach as I went up the stairs.
That was definitely hormones.
And I was fighting the urge not to ball my eyes out.
Sometimes, you just hate the symptoms of pregnancy.
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12:13 PM
"Hey," I said as Justin walked up the stairs. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." He nodded, walking over to where I was.
"I owe you an apology for earlier. You were right. It was hormones, I was just finding something to take out on you, so I'm really sorry for that. I know that's not what we need right now."
"I'm sorry too. You were right about Hailee's birthday, and me overworking myself, especially after the accident. I'm forgetting the main thing I wanted to change, and it needs to, plus we have Aria. I want to be around for my kids."
"So do I, it's a balance I've figured out, I just don't think you quite have yet, at least not after the accident.."
"I don't, but I already called Scooter. Shoot is in June now. We can either fly home, or stay here, but I'm not working on her birthday."
"We could go home, and Mom and Dad could go with us," I said, putting my arms around his neck. "We can spend a day with Gabby after she gets back before we go. It's not like we won't be back in a few days."
"True, and your parents could stay at our house. We have that guest room we hardly get to use."
"That's what I thought."
"Ok, we can do that. What are we going to do for her birthday?"
"I don't know. I really want to get her some stuff for her dance classes."
"Alright, we can do that. I was already looking at little sparkly Supra's."
"She'll like those." I laughed, pulling myself forward to his lips. "Where is she?"
"She moved onto to something else down there. Our tea party's over."
"That was cute, I'll admit that."
"I liked the goldfish."
"Me too."
"How's this little baby doing?"
"She's good." I laughed a little, feeling his hands on the sides of my stomach.
"That's good. No kicking?"
"Not yet, but very soon. I know that much."
"She's so pretty." He cooed, and I laughed again, my cheeks hurting from the smile on my face.
"She's going to look like you too."
"I don't think Hailee looks like me really, she got a part of my personality, and my eyes, but she's totally a mini you."
"She got your smile too."
"If you say so." He chuckled, standing up right and pecked my lips. "Can we go out to dinner?"
"Yeah, sure." I nodded. "It'd be really nice if we could just slip in there too, because of the baby."
"I'm sure we can. It's getting out that's the problem. I'll call up the guys. Want to call your parents?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
"Ok." He kissed my cheek, pulling away as Hailee walked up the stairs. "Hey little lady, let's go get cleaned up, kay?"
"Why?" She asked, her eyebrows frowned together.
"We're going to go out to dinner."
"Oh, where?"
"I don't know yet. We'll think of something." He said picking her up. "Grandma and Grandpa might go too."
"Good. Can we take the pretty car?"
"Of course we can." He said as they disappeared up the stairs.
I smiled, walking back to our room to get myself ready.
__________________________
May 23rd
"Look what I drew Mommy!" Hailee said, running into the kitchen where I was putting away the last of the dishes.
"Aw," I said as she handed me the paper. "That's great Hailee. I love it. You did a really good job."
"That's you and Daddy," She told me, standing on her tip toes. "And that's me and Aria."
"Why do you think Aria is going to have brown hair?" I said with a laugh, looking at the picture of the baby.
"Because you do, and I do, and she did when I saw her."
"When you what?" I asked, my eyebrows now raised as I looked at her.
"In my dream. I just assumed it was Aria."
I stayed quiet, but walked over to the fridge and got a magnet, sticking her picture there as I thought.
What would Justin say?
"Mommy, are you ok?" Hailee asked me, reaching at my side for my hand.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. "Thanks."
"Mhm," Then she tugged at my hand, trying to pull me out of the kitchen. "Can we go out and do something? I'm bored."
"You're bored?"
"Yeah, you're up here and Daddy's not home."
"Alright, we can go out. What do you want to do?"
"Can we go to the park?"
"Sure." I smiled at her again, giving her hand a small squeeze. "Want to go get one of your sweatshirts?"
"I'll be fine. It's hot outside."
"I guess you're right, I'm just used to us being home is all. Ok. Let me finish these up, then we can go, ok?"
"Ok."
"You can go in the living room and watch tv if you want. I won't be long. I promise."
"It's fine."
And I watched as she left, picking up my phone from the island in the kitchen.
'Taking Hailee to the park for a little while. We need to talk when you get home.' I texted Justin.
Then I did the rest of the dishes, picking up my phone as it buzzed where I had sat it.
'K...did I do anything?'
'No,' I typed back. 'Just need to talk. You didn't do anything. Don't worry about it.'
"Hey Hail, you ready to go?" I asked her.
"Mhm!" She said from the living room and I grabbed my keys, scooping up my phone in the same hand.
"We're just going to go for a little while ok? I don't know when Daddy is going to be home."
"That's ok," She paused, tilting her head to look at me. "Can I go on the swings?"
"Sure."
My phone buzzed again in my hand and I checked it as I let Hailee out the door.
'K. I'll be home in a few hours. love you.'
'Love you too.' I typed back, pressing send before I opened the door to the car.
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3:47 PM
I carried Hail inside, kissing her forehead as she continued to sleep against my shoulder.
"Hey," Justin said from the living room, then saw me with Hailee as I walked in a lowered his voice. "Sorry."
"It's ok," I whispered. "Let me take her upstairs really quick."
"No," He shook his head, standing up and walked over to me. "I'll get it. I don't want you to carry her with the baby."
"Ok." I nodded, handing her over to him, and he kissed my temple, smiling at me before he took Hailee upstairs.
I let out a deep breath, sitting my keys on the table along with my phone, then plopped down on the couch.
I could use a nap myself.
And my eyes opened at the sound of Justin laughing, his thumb grazing my bottom lip.
"Tired?"
"Yeah." I nodded slowly, smiling at him as I shut my eyes.
"Still want to talk?"
"Oh yeah, right." I sat up as he sat down, but he smiled at me, patting his lap which I rested my head back on.
"What's up?"
"Well did you see the picture on the fridge?"
"Yeah, it was cute. It made me smile, why?"
"I asked Hailee why she thought Aria had brown hair, and she told me it was because she saw her." I told him as I played with his hand. "If it would have been anybody, it wouldn't have been Aria."
"Wait, she thinks she saw Aria?"
"In a dream." I nodded. "I didn't really know what to say."
"Because of Nicole?"
"Yeah."
I heard him let out a deep breath, his other hand running through my curls, and I assumed he was taking the time to think.
"What do you think we should do?" I asked him. "I don't want to lie to her, but she's three."
"Honestly," He said as I looked down at me. "I think we need to tell her. Maybe not detailed and the way we would explain it when she's older, but she can't go on believing it's Aria. Maybe we explain it in like a child mind set, you know?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I think it'll pass too. We don't even know if it's Nicole she saw, I just don't understand."
"Don't understand what?" He raised his eyebrow, his hand stopping at the ends of my hair.
"While everyone has seemed to see her but me, when I'm her mother."
"Sweetheart, I don't think it's like that."
"Then why haven't I seen her? Why have you and Hailee? I've just kinda sat back and heard about it, but she's my daughter? I'm the one who lost our baby, you know?"
"I know baby," He ran his hand on my cheek, letting his fingers fall through mine in the other. "But you know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think she's just saving the best for last."
"Being pregnant again makes me wonder, what it would be like if she was here, what'd be like if I would have taken that medication with my first pregnancy. That made it all worse. I felt like part of me had already let go, and then you I found out it wasn't my fault at all, all these years I've felt so guilty, watching Hailee grow up, and knowing I couldn't be the mother I always wanted to be to Nicole."
I was tearing up now, forcing them to shut as he gently squeezed my hand.
"Trust me, I know how you feel. It kills me too, that's why I was so upset when we found out, knowing we possibly could have prevented it, but I love Hailee to death, and I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have her in my life, how lucky I am to have you, and the fact that I get to be a father again. I truly believe it was a miracle seeing Nicole, I believe I did, and Hailee is so little she believes in everything, but you, we've had our discussions."
"I don't understand how he's let all these bad things happen. How am I supposed to believe in that? I'm abused, things happen with Taylor, you left me alone for like a year, then we fought, got married, and lost a baby. I almost lost you...I've lost my grandfather... I can only break so many times."
"But look at you," He smiled. "I'm ok, Marc's a great father, we have Hailee, and our relationship I think is pretty solid right now. I know it was really hard for you, and I'd take everything back if I could."
"We still have some stuff to work on, like time, but we're ok. I'm so thankful I walked out of our room when I did." I laughed.
"Exactly, and like I've said, as soon as you have this baby, I'm taking you away for a much deserved break. Just you and me."
"That'll be nice. You know, by that time I wouldn't have had a drink in almost a year."
"I'll fix that. That's a problem easily fixed."
"I'm really excited." I giggled.
"Me too, know what we should do?"
"What?"
"Go to that little house on the beach we went to right around the time Hailee was born. That was fun, at least for me." He chuckled.
"It wasn't just you. It was for me too. So much fun."
"Oh I know. We'll do it again. We haven't had real alone time in a while."
"I know," He whispered. "You ok?"
"Yeah, I'm alright."
"You know you can talk to me about anything."
"I know," I nodded. "So can you."
"I know."
"Are you excited for Gabby to come back?"
"Yeah, from when I talked to her, it sounds like she's itching to get out of school. The experience was nice, and I'm sure she liked it, but since she was already known through the world because of the incident, people were begging for her attention from day one."
"But they don't know she is going to be working with us."
"No, they sure don't."
"Scooter's going to sit her down with the paper work. We should probably be there too, which means we'd need a sitter for Hailee. I've been writing some new music, but I've gotten a little stuck. It's just some things I'd like to work with her on, and I'm sure you could too."
"I don't want to rush the girl or anything, but it'd be nice to get most of the album done during the summer, before I go on tour."
"When is the first concert again?"
"July 7th."
"Ok..." I nodded slowly, thinking quietly to myself.
That was so he could be off for the first couple of weeks in November, then December.
"Explain to me what's happening with that."
"With what?"
"The baby."
"Well, my last concert is the 29th of October, so I'll be home then, and we have thanksgiving and stuff, so the third week I do a few more concerts, early December, like the 2nd and 3rd, then I'm done till January."
"Alright." I said slowly, watching him as he watched me.
"I told you I'm going to be there, I did the best I could."
"I know you did, it's ok. You're mom and stepdad have already made it clear they're going to help, and my sister is giddy too. When are you thinking we can have our date night?"
"I was honestly thinking New Years. Im not performing this year, you're not performing, but if all goes well with Gabby she might be, and I don't think she'd need us there. I want her to open for me the second leg of the tour."
"That would be really awesome. She already has a few songs recorded from previous visits, and I only want to put a couple more on the album. It needs to be small, you know?"
"Yeah," He nodded, "I understand what you're saying."
"I think she'll be more than ready. She called a few days ago, and from what it sounds like she wants to get recording as soon as she gets here, I just want her to feel like it's perfect."
"It's good that she's excited, she deserves it."
"Yeah, she does."
Then Hailee was walking down the stairs, causing me to turn my head.
"Mommy, Daddy? I don't feel good."
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"My head hurts."
"Come here." Justin said, motioning for her to walk the rest of the way, which she did and felt her forehead. "Let's go get some medicine, ok? Then we can get your jammie's on."
"Ok."
She went into the kitchen, then he turned his head, nodding his head at me before he disappeared behind her.
Fever, great.
It's about that time though.
I stood myself up, going upstairs to Hailee's room and got a pair of her pajamas out of her drawers, which some still had her baby clothes in, then I pushed them shut, turning my head at the sound of her and Justin's footsteps coming up the stairs.
"You'll feel better, the medicine with kick in soon. What'd you give her Justin?"
"Motrin."
"That orange stuff tastes good."
"That's good stuff."
"I'll go get you some water, ok?" Justin said to her, running his hand over her hair.
"Ok."
"Let's get you dressed. Are you cold?"
But then she shivered, nodding her head after.
"We'll get on some jammies and a blanket then downstairs."
"Can I get my monkey?"
"Of course you can sweetie." I nodded, gently pressing my lips to her forehead, then finished dressing her and stood up, getting her monkey off her bed for her.
"Thank you."
"Welcome baby."
I bent down and picked her up, her head rested on my shoulder as I ran my hand on her back.
"Im sorry you don't feel good."
"It's ok." She mumbled and I looked down at her, seeing her eyes shut.
She was just worn out.
"Want to sit with me?"
"Mhm."
I sat down with her on the couch, getting the blanket from behind me and spread it over her, running my hand continuously on her back.
Justin came in, sitting her cup down on the table and smile at me.
"Daddy got your drink."
"Thanks, but I'm not thirsty right now."
"That's ok." I kissed the side of her head, gently rocking her. "Want to watch a movie?"
"Yeah." She nodded, fixing herself on my lap.
"What do you want watch?"
"Ariel."
"Alright." He chuckled, pulling the DVD off the shelf.
I kissed the side of her head, brushing back her hair as she closed her eyes again, falling asleep peacefully in my arms.
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"It's alright." I said to Hailee, my hand falling off her back as I helped her stand up. "We'll go get some water okay? It'll help."
"Ok."
"Wash your hands." I said softly, pushing the stool towards the sink and turned the water on. "We might want to put your hair up girly."
"Ok."
And I turned the water off as she got down, getting the towel from the side to dry off her hands.
I watched her as she walked down the stairs in front of me, the light already on in the kitchen.
"Justin," I said as we walked in. "You didn't need to get up."
"No, it's ok. I don't mind. Here Hail." He handed her a glass of water, which she took a few sips of, then handed it to me.
"I think it's time for her to take the medicine again too, so we can keep the fever down."
"Yeah, I got it down. That's what I was thinking."
"The orange stuff, right?"
"Yeah, the good stuff." He smiled at her, bending down and handed her the little cup.
She took the medicine, handing the cup back and leaned against me, her arms wrapped around my leg.
"Ready to go back to bed?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I'm sleepy."
"Here, I can take you up." Justin said and she reached out, letting him pick her up in his arms. "You can go back to bed."
"Alright." I nodded, night Hail.
"Night Mommy."
And with that I walked groggily to our room, running my hand over my face before I crawled into bed, pulling the cold sheets over my shoulders.
She'd already been up twice tonight, and right now it was four in the morning.
Justin was supposed to go to his last rehearsal before her birthday, but that probably wasn't going to happen now either.
Then I felt the wariness of Justin's hand slid on my waist, pulling me into his chest after he scooted into bed.
"How is she?"
"Fell asleep the moment I laid her back down."
"Poor girly."
"Im going to stay home tomorrow. I'm not going to leave you to take care of her by yourself."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah it's fine. Not a big deal. I can get some stuff done here too."
"That's true."
"Plus it's be bad for you to get sick with the baby."
"Well I mean she's just turning four. Her immune system isn't as sting yet."
"Yeah," He nodded, snuggling his face into my neck. "Night night."
"Night."
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"Do you want lunch?" I asked Justin, putting my hands on his shoulders.
"Sure, that'd be great. Thanks."
"Mhm," I smiled, pecking his cheek, then looked at the papers he had spread out. "Contracts?"
"Yeah, just going over them."
"Are you getting excited?"
"I think the exciting part will come after the stress part is over."
"I'm sorry," I said kissing his cheek again. "You know you'll be great."
