All Strings Attached

3.

I am so sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I am sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal. I am sorry that I let you seal the wounds of others whilst your own were bleeding. I could see the blood dripping on the floor. And still ignored it.

I am sorry that your heart was shattered into a million pieces and when you were told to follow your heart, you didn't know which piece to follow because you couldn't decide what it was that you really wanted. I am sorry that I left you alone... in the dark. I know you're scared of being in the dark. I do. And yet I did leave you alone. All by yourself.

I am sorry that there were days when smiling hurt and yet you forced yourself to smile and laugh so that no one would have to worry about you. I am sorry that you put everyone else before you. I am sorry you felt that your pain would last forever and I was not there to remind you that the sun shines bright even after a cloudy sky. I am sorry I didn't tell you that it won't last forever... because storms don't last forever.

I am sorry you didn't realize how much I loved you. And I'm sorry I didn't realize how much you loved me. Nonetheless, I still love you. And I'm sorry I didn't love you like you deserved to be loved.

I'm sorry that you cried yourself to sleep at nights or forced yourself to stay up because there was so much pain surrounding you and losing a few days of sleep didn't seem that big of a deal to you. I am sorry that no one bothered to understand why. No one, not even me. I really am sorry.

I am sorry that you gave your time and effort to those who didn't give it back. Me being one of them.

I am sorry that you loved me beyond measure but I was too blind to notice it.

I am sorry because I loved you so much but could never express it.

I am sorry we fell apart.

I truly am.

I am sorry for doing what I did. But more than that, I am sorry for what I didn't.

I am sorry for saying all that I said. I know my words hurt you.

I am sorry that I couldn't fix you whilst you desperately tried to fix me. Was I so selfish? So selfish that I couldn't give the person I love the only thing he wanted?

I'm sorry I am like this. I'm sorry that I'm breaking down. I'm sorry that I can't live without you.

With love,
The girl who broke you down

A//n : Reading these back is probably the last thing I should be doing, but it brings back amazing memories. 

All those endless conversations about absolutely nothing sometimes, the endless conversations about our perfect future, the never-ending hugs, the warmth.. I miss that you know. I know I hurt you, I know time and words will never be enough, but I hope you will come back one day, because I will be waiting.

Emo phase aside, I hope you are enjoying these so far. I hope you are enjoying my vulnerability and pain. I hope you find something that you can relate to in this.

With love,

Maria