Matchmaker, Matchmaker

It's not that I'm sentimental; it's just that I'm terrified

Ethan wasn't nervous. He couldn't be. He wasn't the slightest bit nervous.

Nervous didn't quite cut it. Nervous would be the understatement of the century. Nervous was the feeling he got before a final exam he hadn't studied enough for or a big game before his injury.

Petrified. Perhaps that was a more accurate term that did a superior job of encapsulating his feelings of dread that caused hm to wonder if anticipation had ever literally killed anyone. If not, maybe he'd be the first.

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to MG. After all, he'd already imagined the moment a million times in his head. However, daydreams always made everything easier, because in daydreams MG was understanding. He wasn't angry at Ethan for pretending to be compelled and he didn't try to push him away again. He embraced him and realized that compelling him was a huge mistake. Ethan shared his feelings for MG and MG actually felt the same way. He'd missed Ethan just as much as Ethan had missed him.

But this wasn't a daydream. If anything, it was closer to a nightmare as Ethan realized everything that was at stake. They could make him stay until the vervain was out of his system. He could lose his memories for real this time. He could lose MG forever.

Thoughts of all of the possible outcomes raced through Ethan's mind as he paced back and forth win the student lounge awaiting MG's return. He began mumbling to himself, hoping that a quiet pep talk would stop his palms from sweating and a few deep breaths would stop his heart from pounding. However, it was when he heard his own name that he felt his heart and breathing cease altogether.

"Ethan?" he heard MG's voice ask.

Ethan jumped, startled, before whirling around to see the other boy. MG removed a pair of dark sunglasses from his eyes as if trying to get a better look: as if he couldn't quite believe it was really him.

Ethan remained silent. His mouth opened, but he found it unable to produce any sound. It was as if his brain was short circuiting and there was a lag between his thoughts and ability to produce words. So, it was MG that filled the silence instead.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Answer. Speak. Say something, Ethan thought to himself as he exhaled another deep breath.

He recalled the fact that MG had enhanced hearing and wondering in that moment if he could literally hear his heart pounding, a thought that proved to be extraordinarily unhelpful.

Talking to guys had never been this difficult for Ethan before, but MG was different. He was special, and Ethan didn't want to lose him.

"Lizzie and Josie needed a ride home so I️ gave them a lift," he explained.

After all, it was partially true. That was technically what brought him there to begin with.

MG nodded, a look of what appeared to be disappointment on his face.

"Well, it's getting late. You should probably head home," he advised.

Ethan shook his head in disagreement.

"No, actually, there's something else I️ need to do first," he said.

MG tilted his head slightly, his expression now puzzled.

Ethan cleared his throat as if preparing to make a big announcement. In a way, he was.

"I'm sorry, MG. But I'm done. I'm done lying and keeping this secret from you," he prefaced.

MG shook his head slowly.

"...what are you talking about?" he asked, his tone uneasy.

"I've been faking. I️ only pretended to be compelled because I️ was afraid of what might happen if I️ told you the truth," Ethan explained before making the daring move of taking a step closer. "But I️ never forgot about you. And I️ don't want to forget. My memories — they were all I️ had left of you."