Crash

16.Important Things Left Untold

"They're in love. Fuck the war." 
― Thomas Pynchon

She was outside her house in the garden reading a book. Reading wasn't her favorite thing, but it felt like that could take her away to another reality and help her forget about Thomas. Which it did, until she was interrupted.

"Hey, Gwen!"

She took her eyes off the book to examine the strange yet familiar voice "Matt! You're back in town!"

"Yes, I am! It's always good to be back." She got up and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

"I understand now, it's the air isn't it? Something about Surrey's air is just magical."

"Exactly! That's it exactly. How are you enjoying Cornwall?"

"It's been a magnificent year. It's true what they say, college years are the best."

"You learn so much...! Speaking of learning... Thomas told me about...your conversation."

"Oh..." Yes, reminding the girl of the thing that was already hard to forget "What did he say?"

"Probably what he said to you. I'm sorry, it must be hard to know he doesn't trust you and now that he's going away..."

"Going away?"

"To join the army, you knew that, right?" with the look she made he soon realised that she, in fact, had no idea "Oh fuck. Never mind, I'm lying, I have to go, bye." He walked fast to wherever he was going until she lost sight of him. Then she let herself fall onto the chair.

She couldn't just overlook what she had just heard. But maybe she heard it wrong? Either way, she had to know.

G: You didn't tell me you were going away. The army, han?

T: How did you... Dammit, Matt.

G: He assumed I knew. Fun assumption of his.

G: Why didn't you tell me?

T: Now you know how much it sucks.

G: I went to college! You're joining the army! You can see how it's different.

T: No, I can't. As a matter of fact, I think this is a really good lesson.

G: When are you leaving?

T: August.

G: When were you going to tell me?

T: August.

She thought it was best to give up from the conversation. He didn't want to talk to her, and it was fine... Actually, it wasn't, it killed her, but there was nothing she could do. Until...he came around.

T: I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how.

But Gwen didn't know how to answer. She didn't even know how to talk to him about anything now. As if they had lost that thing that made it so easy to talk to each other in the beginning. And days passed and soon enough it was August. She couldn't stand that thought of not knowing anything and of not talking to him so she went to look for him at his house.

"Gwen, I didn't think I'd see you again..."

"Me neither. But... I... Why?"

He didn't need the whole question to understand what she wanted to know. "I lived in a training basis my whole life I... I need to find out if this is me."

"For how long?"

"Two years in The Second Battalion. Will probably be deployed to the Middle East after a few heavy machinery training." She looked down gaining forces not to cry. He could die! She could lose him forever, and that was not a happy thought. "But I'll leave single and come back...well I don't know how."

"Fine, you don't have to be so cold about it. I was just...worried."

"You don't have to worry about me, I don't worry about you."

"That's a lie and you know it."

"Are we done here?"

They were a few steps apart on his porch. She was going to leave but there was one thing missing. She paced back near the stairs and stopped before she turned around.

"What is it?"

Quickly, before he realised what was going on, she walked back to him and hugged him, holding him tightly in her arms. He didn't want to give in, but that hug sure felt good. After months apart, after months of missing her so badly, that had almost pulled all his broken pieces back together.

"Please, come back." She whispered in his ear.

He still left single. That had changed nothing but it did give him more strength. He knew how she felt about him and maybe that's why he allowed the hug. Maybe that's why it gave him strength. For a while, those words were all he wanted. All he wanted was to know if he mattered to her, and now that he had them, now that he knew, he was leaving, with the uncertainty that he would return. But he had to do it.