Our Secret

Chapter 1 Life's Period

* Not very good with grammar and storytelling. But I hope you all like this and if you could not help but relate to this I'm sorry.* 

                                                       * TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ABUSE *

Ahhh... In the year 2014, I could still smell her cigarette smoke how much that comforted me. At this time I was only 16 years old the only thing I knew of the world is what they allowed me to know. Who knew that being sheltered could impact me this much. Now I know what most of you are thinking you were 16 you could have left with the right legal representation and some research. But at the time and still, I was and am attached to my family and grew up with roots close to home. I was only 16 years old and the only thing I cared about was music since I loved to sing and still very much do.

But I'm afraid it isn't the same since that event happened or maybe my voice and heart grew to understand those depressed sad lyrics only a 30 to 40-year-old could relate to. But thanks to a great teacher now I can safely say the law is what I want to practice and study. But who would have known that the real reason why I wanted to study law is to protect those who have been through a similar experience like I did. But at the time the small girl I knew so innocent and closed off from the world I just thought that was normal. But I was wrong.

      A little bit about me is that I'm now 22 about to be 23 years old. And like I said I grew up very sheltered and very family orientated. Looking back at what she did to me at just 16 years old I just wanted to make her happy. I just wanted to ease the stress she was holding at the time. But now I know it was no excuse no matter how stressed she was and still is she had no right to exploit my little body the way she did no matter how happy and stressed-free she seemed and all the delicious snacks she gave me. My body is my own ... But that didn't stop my mother.

For as long as I could remember my mother and father have this relationship that everyone was jealous of. She was practically 15 when she married my father who was 17 and in her words "Those were different times." I don't blame her they were both young and very much alone. They practically were the only family they had at the time until I came along.

The year was 1998 summertime to be exact. The short story is that my mother and I were both supposed to die due to birth complications. As you could tell we both made it alive. You could also say that event could attach any mother close to their child. At first, it was exactly like that my mother didn't like anyone to hold me and or touch me just in case they could harm me. But who knew that person to cause any harm to her baby girl was her own mother.

Remembering the time of 2014 and then the year I was born and how my parents worked hard to have me. Because according to her I was a wanted pregnancy. But I was also the worst one out of 3. That's right I am the oldest sister of 3 siblings two brothers and one little sister. being the eldest was hard and still is hard But try being the oldest in a Hispanic household where your practically first generation from immigrant parents. I mean I would always see those videos on TikTok about how much first-generation kids struggle but I never could imagine that one day it could be me.  I guess even in that aspect I was also not thinking realistically having such a sheltered mind and thought process could really show in situations like these. 

A little bit about my family I have two parents, one mother, and one father. This also includes my siblings Theo which I call my baby sister then my youngest brother I call him Duckies. Now my special little brother john I call him kitties my reason behind that is because out of all of my little siblings he's the special one. What I mean by the special one is that he's Autistic meaning that he can't function like you and me. I don't blame him for being Autistic that's kinda a shitty thing to do for someone who has no control over these kinds of things. But it does affect me and my family in one way or another overall he is the only thing that keeps our family together. you'll soon understand why.