Crying for Love || mattheo riddle

ꕥ꧁Chapter One꧂ꕥ

Depression is a big bad shadow that keeps following you everywhere you go. No matter what you do it will always be behind you and haunt you. It will give you a constant reminder of how bad your mental state is.

It sucks the remaining energy out of you until you'll your just a shell of your old self. People around you will either do two things, they either will help you and try to make sure that your doing alright or they will turn there backs on you and let you deal with it on your own.

A perfect example of such a person is my father, Sirius Black. Everything was fine and we had a perfect father daughter relationship, but that was before he met his godson a few years ago and he didn't even thought twice before letting me his own flesh and blood fall and giving Harry Potter the "chosen one" or whatever all his love and attention.

You would think that he would spilt his attention and give me and Harry the same amount of affection but the minute he knew about Harry's existence he dropped me like I was nothing to him, like I didn't exist to him. He didn't even knew Harry at that point but he did everything in his power to find him no matter what even if it ment that he had to drop his own daughter that he was supposed to love dearly.

But not all people in my live where like this. I was extremely lucky that there were two amazing girls who excepted me and all my fucked up issues. Pansy Parkinson and Luna Lovegood. I met them both in my first year and we immediately hit it off and since then we had been inseparable. Pansy and I were both sorted into Slytherin and Luna in Ravenclaw but that didn't stop us from being best friends.

Everyone knew that we best friends and all called us the iconic trio. Luna was definitely the nice and smart one of our group, Pansy was the kind and the troublemaker of our group and I was the caring and quiet one.

Everyone always had either interest in Pansy or Luna but never really me, I wasn't that special. I was an average witch an average friend but that was it, it didn't really help my insecurities that everyone choose anyone but me. It's not that I have to be loved by everyone but it still hurts to know that your just the odd one out. But I would never do something to steal the attention from Pansy or Luna because they really do deserve it, because they are the best friends anyone could ask for.

I am so known for being extremely selfless, I always want to make other people happy before I make myself happy, i always put other people before me because I honestly don't think that I deserve a lot of attention, because I'm just an average person maybe even below average, so I will do anything in my power to make a smile appear on someone's face because if that happens it doesn't matter what I did to achieve it.

I have been like that all my life and it makes me somewhat happy if I succeed but no matter how much love and support I show someone they never seem to notice me, they never seem to notice how I'm doing. Like I said before depression is a big monster that you can hardly get rid of, it's nearly impossible. There have been times were I completely isolated myself and shut everyone out even Pansy and Luna, and till this day I'm still surprised that they never really left my side.

Being sorted into Slytherin was both a really good thing but also a really bad thing. My father was very very disappointed that his own daughter was sorted into the house he dispised, and of course he was over the moon that his own godson was in Gryffindor and that he had won the house cup multiple time. Which wasn't fair at all all the Gryffindor house really did was break rules and got a shit load points while if Slytherin were to do any of those things we would lose a lot of point instead of earning them.

But if you might have noticed Harry is the golden child, and to see him walk these very same halls as me just hurts knowing he basically took my place in my own family that he just so happened to be part of but not with blood.