Caught In A Moment (Skrillex)

4

--Sorry for the delay! School is getting the best of me recently! But here you go!--

I laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling. I had a small skylight near the end of my bed but the sky was too bright for me to stare at. I didn't feel like moving. It was almost late afternoon and I had gotten back into bed. This was something that many doctors had told me was a no no. It was deemed 'negative' and 'depressive behavior'. What did a bunch of doctors know anyways? I was 25 years old and if I wanted to lay in bed at 3pm and stare at the ceiling then I could totally do it. 

My phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned my head to look at it lighting up and vibrating on the little nightstand next to my bed, not even reading the name. It could wait. I turned to look back at the white ceiling. 

I should get those little plastic glow in the dark stars that stuck to the ceiling. They'd be a nice edition. I sighed and closed my eyes when my phone stopped ringing.

I hated life. It was all just: make money, pay bills, die. The end. That's all. Here I was not working, so I wasn't making money. I had a pile of bills sitting on my kitchen counter that I liked to pretend didn't exist. They had told me countless times not to let myself think this way. I was supposed to stop and remind myself of all the good things in life. 

But it was so hard not to think "What if?". What if I hadn't survived that accident? What if I had died in that hospital over in Germany? There had to be something else after this. Maybe I'd be happy if I was there. It would have been absolutely terrible for everyone here but time heals all wounds and they eventually would have moved past it. 

My phone started ringing and I frowned. Stupid ass phone interrupting my pity party. I sat up and looked at it, seeing my best friend and hired help, Susan calling. She wasn't hired help but she helped with all my orders and anytime my website had gliches, she was there since she was a total techie. I only answered because she wouldn't be calling twice unless it was important. I vaguely hoped something wasn't wrong and tried not to panic. 

"Hey." I answered and she scoffed. 

"Don't sound so pleased." I could just imagine her giving me an annoyed look. 

"You interupted my self loathing." 

"Well re-schedule it. I've got business to talk." She sounded serious so I paid attention. "You've got quiet a few orders here and I haven't heard from you in days." 

"Really? How many?" I was surprised to hear there were orders because this was the first I was hearing about this. I was also surprised at myself for not paying more attention to it. I usually was so on top of orders because they were like my little babies. 

"Seriously Zoe? Have you been this out of it lately? I mean, I knew you were getting bad again but this is turning into full blown depression." She said and I rolled my eyes. 

"I am not depressed." I defended myself. "And who said I was getting bad? That's a total lie." It wasn't a lie but I would like to know who was talking about it. 

"Not important." It was probably Greg. "Why don't we go grab dinner? Or I could pick us something up and bring it over? It's your call." She said and I thought about both options. Maybe getting out of the apartment would do me some good. 

"Let's go somewhere." I told her and she made a cheering noise. She offered to come pick me up and we decided on this cute little Mexican place not far from my house. I sat up and crawled out of bed for the first time in hours. I changed into leggings and and white plain v-neck. I threw on a thin flow-y maroon cardigan over that. I put some makeup on and sat down on the couch waiting for her to come.