LEILA {ongoing}

16.

All day Sunday I'm in a world of pain. In and out of consciousness, cold sweats and nausea.

I'm vaguely aware of my parents walking in and out. Checking on me, feeding me as much as I can stomach, attempting to get water into me, wiping the sweat off me.

At one point I'm pretty sure Dad was singing to me while giving my hand a massage. He's so fricken sweet.

A couple of years ago I had to have a few surgeries after an attack, but the nerve damage caused from it wasn't something that could be easily fixed. The debilitating pain I deal with every now and again is nothing compared to what it would be like if I hadn't gone through with the surgeries. Most days I am in pain, it's just manageable. Easily hidden behind my smile or foul language. 

One of the surgeries I had to have was a partial hysterectomy. At age 16, that is unheard of. In order to save my life, it's what needed to be done at the time. Thankfully, they were able to save my cervix, tubes and ovaries. Most of my uterus had to be removed though, which means I can never have children.

That night, I was able to get a good amount of uninterrupted sleep. My parents had practically force fed me toast while giving me strong pain medication to get me through to the next morning.

By the time I wake up Monday morning, I'm exhausted. Not in excruciating pain anymore, but drained.

I woke up to find Mum laying beside me, out cold.

Slowly sitting up, I take stock of my body. My joints are achy and my neck is stiff. I have a headache, probably from dehydration, but apart from all that I feel a thousand times better than I did yesterday.

I still feel like I need to sleep for a decade, but still, at least I'm not screaming out in pain anymore. Positives.

Slipping out of bed, I totter to the bathroom and turn the shower on. Stripping out of my sweat-laden oversized T-shirt and underwear, I wait for the water temperature to get nice and hot.

Stepping under the waterfall feels heavenly after the last 27 hours lying in my own puddle of sweat. Dropping my head, I adjust myself so that the water stream massages my neck and base of my skull. My own personal masseuse.

Breathing through a slice of pain that rips up my spine, I rock back and forth on my heels, directing the pressure from the water stream to hit up and down the length of my back.

"LEILA!!??"

"I'm here Mum! In the bathroom." Mum comes charging in with worry written all over her face. I don't even cover up. The amount of times, this amazing woman has had to bathe me or clean me up is ridiculous.

Her hand over her heart. "Sweetheart, don't scare me like that."

"Sorry Mum, I needed a shower desperately and you were dead asleep, I didn't want to disturb you."

"No, no. It's fine. Your dad came in and woke me up, we both just freaked out that you weren't there. It's all good, love. Take as long as you need to feel human again and I'll have breakfast waiting for you down stairs. We need to get you fed and hydrated today." With that she closes the bathroom door leaving me in peace.

A solid 40 minutes later, I'm sitting in my comfiest trackies and hoodie cross legged at our dining table. Mum's cutting up fruit and placing them on plates next to the stack of pancakes.

My shower lasted about 20 minutes and I took my sweet time towel drying my hair and moisturising my entire body. I feel human again and I smell like flowers.

"You still look very pale. I'm staying home with you today." Mum's scanning my face like it's a puzzle.

My parents are the absolute sweetest. "No Mum, it's fine. I'm just going to curl up on the couch and binge watch another K-Drama until I fall asleep."