Patron Saint of Lost Causes

chapter 23: that's okay

You were the child who was made out of glass
Who carried a black heart passed down from your dad
If somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now
We all turn away when you're down

You want to go back to where you felt safe
To hear your brother's laughter, see your mother's face

Your childhood home is just power white bone
And you'll never find your way back

You are broken and callow, cautious and safe
You are boundless in beauty with fright in your face

Until someone loves you, I'll keep you safe
But like them I will give you away

And when you're gone, will they say your name?
If not, that's okay

--"That's Okay" by The Hush Sound

Alex tapped the door open and peeked into the room. Even though it was past eleven, Spencer was still awake, lying on his stomach on the floor reading a book. He didn't seem to notice she was there.

She crept a little closer. "Why are you still awake?" she asked, and Spencer jumped guiltily, his book falling out of his hands.

"You scared me!" he accused.

"You should be in bed already!" she said. "I promised I'd come check on you, but I figured you'd be asleep."

He pushed himself to sit up. "I'm not tired," he said. "I can't sleep."

"Well, you at least need to put the book down," she said. She picked it up off the floor and frowned. "I thought you didn't like Hawthorne."

"I don't, but I ran out of books and Derek's reading The Scarlet Letter in his English class," Spencer said. "I was bored."

Alex laughed. "We'll find you more things to read when I open the library on Monday," she said. She took him by the hands and pulled him up to his feet. "Right now you need to get some sleep."

"Alex, I told you, I'm not tired," he complained.

"Humor me," she said. "Get your pajamas on and brush your teeth." He rolled his eyes. "Go on."

He stomped over to his dresser and pulled out his pajamas. "You know, seventy percent of college students get less than eight hours of sleep a night, and I'm sure they're doing fine," he said.

"You're not in college, you are nine," Alex said.

He tilted his head back to look at her. "I'll be ten soon," he reminded her.

She tapped the tip of his nose. "Still not a college student," she said. "Go brush your teeth."

"Fine," he sighed heavily. She smiled to herself as she put Derek's book back on his messy desk, then plugged in Spencer's nightlight and turned off the overheads. It was a relief to see Spencer as his usual self, even if he was a little tired and cranky. He'd been so droopy and quiet all day, a lot more clingy than she'd expected.

She sat down on the edge of Spencer's bed and yawned. The whole thing was taking its toll on her too. Having her family around was stressful. Well, maybe not her whole family. If just her mother had come it would have been easier. But trying to impress her father and keep her brothers in line was just too much.

Spencer walked back into his room and closed the door behind him, dressed in a soft tee shirt and striped pajama shorts. "I've been thinking," he said. "Wouldn't it be a lot more efficient if humans slept like giraffes?"

"Efficient, yes, but I don't think it would be particularly healthy for humans to only sleep thirty minutes a day," Alex said.

"It's not even consecutive sleep!" he said as he dropped his dirty clothes in his laundry hamper. "Typically they sleep five or ten minutes at a time, and it eventually adds up to thirty minutes."