A Heart's Desire (Book 1)

Chapter 30

Eva POV

I am torn between wanting to get my memory back and not. I realize I have a mate, that I've apparently accepted but my heart just isn't in it. Why did I accept him again - especially since i know I love Julian?

The days have been difficult - my recovery coming along though because of my healing abilities.

Sienna has even travelled to Blackrose this week to try and help with my recovery. Her, Mariah and Juniper took me out for another girls day out. It was fun and got my mind off of things temporarily - so that was nice. It is wonderful to see Mariah and Juniper together - the love that flows between them is wonderful to see. I don't get those same feelings when Callum is around. I feel that with Julian, but now I know that I should let that go since i've accepted someone else. Maybe I did that because I know Julian was waiting for his mate, which he obviously hasn't found yet. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or not about having callum as a mate. He seems broody and kind of selfish - maybe? I can't figure out what I am picking up on when i am around him, but something just doesn't feel right.

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The doctor decides that maybe what I need is a little routine, something that I was doing when I was last at Blackrose. He wants me to start doing some of the things I was doing on a daily basis when I visited here to see if that would kind of "jump start" my memories.

The only problem is I couldn't train yet which was something I was doing on a daily basis. So I opted to do physical therapy during the normal training times. The work was painful and frustrustrating at first. I was so used to being able to do for myself. Apparently my head trauma was causing a few problems with some of my powers while I'm recovering, so I'm not healing as fast as I usually do. Something about re-establishing connections within my brain - however I'm supposed to do that. I decided to call mom and Asher to see if they could come visit and maybe help, which of course mom quickly accepted. Asher was busy with training so he couldn't come - much to my disappointment.

I also fell into a routine with the pack - namely my friends. We would joke and play a few small pranks. There were always delicious meals prepared by Julian and movie nights. My heart still broke with the idea that this isn't where I was going to stay - this felt like home. I heard Callum was staying in one of the guest houses because he was eventually going to be part of my recovery and since we were mated - not that I remember that yet. Stupid fates. I guess I needed to get back to my old life, whatever that was.

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The guys convinced me to play a game of football today. Yesterday we spent the entire day watching college football and munching on snacks. So feeling better than what i have, i decided to join them. Of course, I was determined to play quarterback, and I got my way. I was doing really well until about midway through the game and I went for a long pass. My hand cramped in agony as pain shot through my arm. I go down sobbing.

"Eva." Julian hollers out and comes running up to me.

"It hurts JD." I sob gripping my arm into my chest.

"It's ok. Didn't the therapist warn you about overusing your hand?"

"It should be ok. It should be fine!" I yelled jumping up. "If that stupid guy would have just left me alone, I'd be fine! Life would be fine! I would remember everything!" I continued.

"Your getting worked up."

"Of course i'm getting worked up! See this?" pointing at the scar on my forearm. "This wasn't there six weeks ago, or however long ago it was that I was here. I don't even remember much after being here. He took part of my life from me. Filthy bastard." I sneer.