The Girl in the Green Dress

Chapter One

Boom, boom, boom. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. I’m sure my aunt Randelyn and the rest of my family could hear it as well.

“Well Sage? Aren’t you going to answer me? Why aren’t you eating?” Aunt Randelyn said from across the table.

“Um, I uh- I’m not that hungry.” I say digging my nails into the palm of my hands.

She along with my mother and sister frown at me. My mother concerned, my sister slightly annoyed, and Aunt Randelyn bewildered.

“Sage, are you not feeling well? Do you need to go lie down for a while?” My mother asks from across the table..

My throat gets tighter as I fight back my tears.

They don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to eat all this food. I can already feel my mind and body rejecting what little food I had already eaten.

They don’t understand how much I want to want to eat for them. I want to be okay for them. But I guess that’s where I’m going wrong. I have to want to be okay for myself. Not for anybody else.

“No. I’m-” I almost choke when I say the next word, “hungry, I’ll stay down here for a while.”

I always feel like I insult Mrs. Petunia when I don’t eat the food she fixes for us. Mrs. Petunia is an old lady who my parents hired originally just as a cleaning lady, but she soon took on the job of cooking and raising me when my parents got divorced when I was ten. She became my mom. I tell her almost everything about me. When Renee decided to move in with her boyfriend a few years ago and my parents got divorced, Mrs. Petunia was all I had. We’ve been two peas in a pod ever since.

“Sage, I’m leaving now. Tell Mother that I’m canceling our spa day tomorrow. Jason is taking me out on a date. It’s a surprise.” My sister comes into the dining room with her purse and car keys in hand.

“Okay. I’ll pass on the message.” I say.

“There’s no need to be such a brat all the time Sage! Never mind. Forget it. I’ll call and tell her myself.” She snaps at me.

“I wasn’t being a br-” I try to say.

“No shut up Sage. I don’t want to hear it.’ She says walking out of the room.

I awkwardly back around to face my aunt. I grimace when I see her digging in her bra.

I look back down at at my food. fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. I slowly take small bites of carn making sure to make it look like i’m actually eating a normal amount.

“See? That’s not so hard, now is it sage? Tell me, do you not eat to make your mother pay more attention to you? Is it because you’re jealous of your sister?” She sneers putting her nose where it’s not wanted.

I don’t answer for a moment. I can’t. I can’t because I don’t know why I can’t eat without hating myself. I don’t know if I physically cannot stomach the food because I’m jealous of my sister.

How am I supposed to answer a question I don’t know the answer to?

I clench my teeth.

“No, aunt Randelyn, I just don’t get very hungry often, I’m sorry.”

“Hmph. You weren’t saying that two years ago.” She snorts.

My mind immediately goes back two years ago. Back to when I was close to 200 pounds. Back to when I actually enjoyed stuffing my face with unhealthy foods. Back before my depression announced itself.

I choose to ignore her and continue to play with my food.

“Disrespectful child.” She mutters under her breath, “I’ll be leaving now.” She stands from her chair smoothing out her unfashionable dress.

“Goodbye Aunt.” I say lowly as she walks past me.

Soon it’s just me and Mrs. Petunia. She’s probably cleaning the kitchen, doing the last of her chores so she can clock out for the evening.

I grab my plate, still full of food, and silently tiptoe to the kitchen. I had no intentions of eating this food the moment it was set down in front of me. I release a sigh of air when I see that it’s empty. Mrs. Petunia doesn’t like it when I do this to myself. She doesn’t say much to me about it though. And I told her when she first found out that if she told my mother that I would have her fired as soon as she opened her mouth. I wasn’t one of my best moments, but she understood why I did it when I apologized later on.

I scrape my food into the trash can and rinse my plate off quickly. I don’t like the look Mrs. Petunia gives me when she catches me throwing my food away. She looks so disappointed in me and I hate that I’ve disappointed another person. Even though I want to stop I can’t. I just can’t.

“Ms. Sage! I’ll be leaving soon. I just need to clock out and I’ll be on my way.” I hear her before she comes in the kitchen.

“Okay. Have a safe trip home.” I say trying to give her a real smile.

She smiles at me before her eyes drop down to the empty plate in my hands.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone for the night?”

No. But I don’t say that. Instead I say,

“Mrs. Petunia, I’m not a kid anymore. I’ll be okay for tonight. I promise.” I say leaning against the counter.

“Okay child, but if you need me call me You have my number.” She says sounding tired.

“I will Mrs. Petunia.” I say giving the old hispanic woman a hug.

“Goodbye dear.” She hugs me back, before leaving the kitchen.

Soon after she left the kitchen I hear the front door open and close softly behind her.

I’m alone, once again. I don’t blame Mrs. Petunia. She needs to get home to her sick husband, Alfred. He’s a sweet old man, and he’s madly in love with Mrs. Petunia. She doesn’t like leaving him home alone when he’s sick. It makes me sad for them. They’re great people.

While my mind wanders to places it probably shouldn’t i find myself leaving my house and walking outside. There’s not much privacy in the neighborhood I live in, but I don’t really mind. There’s a park a few blocks away, so I go there often especially when I need to think or just get away from people and life in general. It’s paradise to me. Not many people come to it because it’s kind of old and not many children live near it. The cold air bites at my face as I walked down the empty street toward the park. It was the beginning of January, so the the snow on the ground is showing no signs of melting anytime soon. Personally I don’t mind it. Winter’s my favorite season. Everything is just so pretty and white.  

Soon I was walking down a familiar trail hidden behind the overgrown bushes and vines. I found this trail by accident a few years ago. It’s by far my favorite trail in the park. The trees and vines are overgrown making a tunnel above my head. I walk in silence listening to the rushing water of the creek at the end of the trail. The creek is large but it’s not big enough to be a river. It’s low most of the time, but when a storm comes, or the snow melts the water rises and it floods. It’s magnificent to watch from the old abandoned bridge that stretches across the creek. It’s the only place that I don’t have to pretend that i’m okay. I can be myself, and not be worried about someone seeing me break down This is the only place I feel at peace. Nobody is here to nag me about eating or keeping my posture right or focusing on my future. I can have my own thoughts and dreams without someone telling me it’s wrong, and  that I should be a stay at home mom. That I should be married as soon as I graduate highschool. That’s not what I want to do. I want to be a physical therapist. I want to help people get back to their lives. My parents aren't too keen on the idea of me having an intelligent brain of my own. My absentee father especially doesn’t want me to become successful. I think that’s his goal in life. To make my mom, sister and I miserable.

When I reach the middle of the bridge I plop down on the wood and swing my legs and let them dangle over the edge. I sit in silence for a while enjoying the sounds of nature. It it were possible for a person to choose where they would die, I would choose this bridge. No other spot on this earth  amounts to the significance of this place in my heart.