I stormed off I mean I didn't even want to show up but because I knew Bonnie and Care was going to be there I decided to just go.
However, I can't get my mind to really focus, it's like everything is going out of control.
Life was going good for me even though my relationship with Matt had its ups and downs, I thought it would be unfair to both of us if we continued knowing I was slowly loosing my feelings for him.
I mean I knew he was gonna be hurt but I rather end it now than prolong it and he feels even worse in the future.
The night of the accident, I knew I should of stayed home because it was family night but I was too selfish.
I snuck out went to a party, got myself drunk and had another miserable argument with Matt.
I took a walk to go clear my head because I felt everything was falling apart. *Sob *Sob* My own parents died because of me. My dad was shouting at me because of my selfish mistake which cause him to take his eyes off the road and for us to end up going off the bridge.
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I couldn't forget the guilt,pain,hatred, sadness and anxiety I felt when I woke up in a hospital finding out my parents are dead and I was found on the side of the road.
I mean I should be happy that at least I'm alive right but I can't because I caused my brother and I to loose our parents.
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To cope with everything I didn't go to cheer camp, I broke up with Matt because I feared my selfishness would cause him to end up just like my parents and I didn't want that.
I learnt that writing down my feelings might help so that's what I did. But because of my overwhelming fear I neglected my own brother who ended up turning to drugs just to cope.
I tried to be what he didn't have anymore a parental figure. I knew we had aunt Jenna but I thought I need to make up for what I did. So I confronted him every time I found him stoned or hanging out with Vicki.
I hated the way she was taking him from me, how her ways were creating a rift between us.
I didn't want to hurt anyone else because I felt like I was trapped inside a room with everyone shout at me.
