Midsummer Night

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(A/N: I am really sorry to update this very late! I am very busy writing my published novels Afterlife Department and The Scum Is a ***, and I just recently wrote more than 30 chapters so... TTATT please cut me off some slack! P.S.: dunno when can I update next, so... please bear with me! QAQ thanks) 

"HAH!" Shen Qingqiu was roused awake by another nightmare. He was bathed in his sweat. His face is pale. His chest is violently heaving up and down as he caught his breath.

He slowly sat up from the bed. His long, inky-black hair slipped down from his shoulders. He covered his eyes with his hand as he closed his eyes tight, trying to remove that image of Luo Binghe falling to the abyss after he pushed him.

Again. Again and again did this replay in his mind as a nightmare. And time and time again would he stretch his hand out to grab him and pull him back. But, like in your dreams, you couldn't control your body no matter how hard you will for it to move.

So, he can only watch his hand slowly raise to grab Luo Binghe's hand. But, as he expected, he still couldn't reach him. Added to the fact that Luo Binghe's chest was stained with blood after he accidentally stabbed him, in his nightmare, the blood on Luo Binghe's chest bloomed like the spider lilies in hell until it covered the entire body of Luo Binghe, making him unable to see him.

"Binghe... Binghe..." he muttered under his breath, repeatedly calling the other's name to relieve the discomfort, pain and fear he feels. He moved his hand on the bed to grab the other's hand to convince himself that Luo Binghe is safe now. He is alright. He is perfectly fine now.

But, he felt there's nothing... no one beside him. He didn't touch the big and warm hand that he's been familiar with as it always touches him, holds him, and every night if not holding his hand or hugging his waist tight, then would be lying beside him, always ready to protect him.

Yet, that hand wasn't here. "Binghe?" he called as he raised his head and looked around, but he didn't see Luo Binghe anywhere. "Binghe?" he called again. "Binghe!" he shouted. But, no one answered him.

Fear appeared in Shen Qingqiu's heart and cold crept on his body, making him shiver, after hearing the silence around him. Am I still in my nightmare? He thought as he lowered his head. His eyes turned red and, finally, his tears fell. Why is he crying? How pathetic. Wasn't it all his fault? Why does he feel wronged now? Didn't he want to live again, so he agreed to the system to harm Luo Binghe? So why is he acting like the victim here?

"Shizun?" the door opened and Luo Binghe called when he heard Shen Qingqiu's voice calling him. "Shizun? You woke? What's wr..." his voice trailed off when he approached the bed and saw Shen Qingqiu was crying. His eyes widened in shock and he dropped the teapot he heated up.

He can't sleep, so he decided to heat up the water in case Shen Qingqiu would suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and want to drink water.

"Shizun!" Luo Binghe cried and immediately climbed on the bed and pulled him into his arms. "What's wrong? A nightmare?" he asked as he hugged him tight and combed his hair to pacify him. "Shizun...?" he called when he didn't hear Shen Qingqiu answered, but felt that his shoulder was wet.

Shen Qingqiu continued to cry. I am harming him... I'm just harming him... he thought as he raised his hands to hug Luo Binghe. But, his hands are trembling. His whole body is trembling in fear. Even if it's Shen Jiu's fault to be like this as a person, but didn't he recreate the scenes? He still harmed Luo Binghe. It was him. So, why is he blaming Shen Jiu? It's him who harmed him! It's him who has been pushing him to dangers!

Now, having a relationship with Luo Binghe, he's still harming him. Two adult men being lovey-dovey to each other is an eyesore to the eyes of the public. Luo Binghe is now a powerful person. He should be prestigious. Yet, because of him, Luo Binghe always acts like a maiden and easily cry. Luo Binghe do household chores because he can't do it, and Luo Binghe doesn't want him to work to not make him feel tired. Luo Binghe doesn't let him join the fights because he is afraid that he'll be injured.

Thinking this, he is a horrible person. Just look at how good Luo Binghe is. Luo Binghe is destined for the best. But, because of him... he is just holding him back. Look, Luo Binghe should have a hundred or thousand meimeis and jiejies around him. But, he became bent because of him! He doesn't deserve him!

While thinking all this, the pain and fear in his heart are unbearable. He didn't notice he is crying loudly, pouring all of his emotions out.

"Shizun..." Luo Binghe called while rubbing Shen Qingqiu's back as he looked at Shen Qingqiu crying like a child. Seeing that his crying won't stop soon, he helplessly smiled and hugged him tight. It pains him to see him, hear him cry. It is more painful to see his tears. But, he can't do something about it and only silently placate him.

Shen Qingqiu doesn't tell him his problems, so how can he help him? He is afraid to ask him about it, only to be told off of being annoying. Although he likes Shen Qingqiu being strong, but he also wanted him to rely on him more. He wanted for Shen Qingqiu to see him as a man, not a child. He wanted for Shen Qingqiu to treat him like his equal and not a disciple. He wanted for Shen Qingqiu... to tell him more. Anything, even if they are just senseless topics. But, from the beginning of their relationship until now, the times they talk to each other alone can be counted on his both hands and feet. Most of the time, they talk when there are other people. But, when it's just the two of them alone, it is silent. Though it isn't uncomfortable and not awkward, but he actually wanted to see him smile and laugh.

Suddenly, he realized that their positions have never been equal. Not because he is the one doing the household chores not the one protecting him during the fights, but because their relationship started in an unequal footing. Shen Qingqiu is his shizun while he is just a disciple. And, even when their relationship changed to a romantic one, but it's like nothings has changed.

In the eyes of many, they have always been a master and a disciple, and just secondly, lovers.