I'm Trying

My Lifeless Eyes

March 8, 2015 8:57 am

Shit... I'm fucking sick of this snow. Im also not ready for summer. Im still fat.

I got out of bed and slide my clothes off. I walked nudes to my bathroom and turn on the shower, so it can get hot. Its been 1 week of my barbie diet. I must of lost 2lbs.

I got my scale and stood on the cold surface. Im dreaded looking at the scale but I've managed.

178 lbs

Holy shit I lost 15 lbs. Im really going good. Summer here I come.

I stared at the mirror before steping to the glass shower.

My eyes look lifeless almost tired. Aint nothing a little make-up can fix. But my body looks fatter than before. Its hideous.

Maybe you should stop eating you fat umpa lumpa.

"Who said that?" I yelled. Feeling crazier than I was ever before. I turned my head to see a a tall, bone thin brunette.  She was beautiful.

Me, you fat dumb bitch. Im Ana. Im gonna help you fix this digusting weight. You have to go and run two laps around town before taking a lovely shower.

Her word speaked the truth. I cant beileve I was seeing Ana. I dont know if I should be scared or joyful I met her.

I turned off the water and put on my tiny pajama shorts that I couldnt fit a week ago and a sweatjacket.

Now you cant tell anyone about us or even me. They'll but you in a straitjacket. I will help you lose 50 lbs.

"Thank you Ana"

I ran downstairs and swung the door open and ran like I was running from my troubles.

But everytim I stepped I jiggled. It was disgusting. I can so better.

I ran into the woods where no on would see my fat ass run.  I ran and ran with no stop.

Everytime I pasted a tree I would touch the rough texture. Feeling one with natural.

12:50 pm

I finally took my shower and that made me feel energized.

I cant beileve im saing this but I love running.  It makes me feel like a queen.

I touched my damn hair to realize im losing a chunk of my luscious blonde hair. Is this because of Ana?

It'll grow back. Your not that skinny for that to happen.

Maybe im overreacting. Besides I need to lose weight.

1:45 pm

Im feeling super hungry right now. I rushed downstairs to make oatmeal because its a safe food.

I stared at the cabinets to see Oreos. My favorite!!! I took 9 and grabed some milk. I didnt eat breakfast but I feel guilty. I ate and ate and ate. I ate a peanut butter and jelly, Lays sour cream and onion chips,  Napoleon ice cream, and Chip Ahoys Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies.

I didnt get to eat my oatmeal. 

2:09 pm

I ran upstairs to my bathroom.  I can feel the disgusting food in my fat stomach.

I hovered over the toliet and purged my heart out. I saw all the foods I ate in the shithole. Ew. Im so sick of myself.

I roam on my new instagram account @piercingthoughts for ana support and to rant at. I post thinspos and bodychecks.

I looked for exercises to do and found a 1000 calorie workout to feel better. I put on my workout clothes and and stretched.

Time to workout.

2:51 pm

I finshed the workout and im super tired now. I layed in bed super sweaty and tired and I drifted off to dream land.

7:22 pm

I took a long cat nap but its time for dinner.  I wasnt ready. I pretend to sleep when my mom came to my big room.

I went to my dresser to get the book im reading to pass the time. I got Beautiful Creatures that I rented from the library yesterday.  Its a great book I heard, I watched the movie and everything.

11:36 pm

I yawned and got into bed. I got to get ready for the hellhole tomorrow. 

AN:

HEY GUYS SORRY IM LATE

♥♡♥COMMENT/VOTE/SHARE ♥♡♥