I'm Trying

My Crush

Another year, same shit.
12:37 am New Years Day

Ive did something I havent done in a long while. I cut. I feel like I'm so unloved.  Your probably wondering your friends though. They dont care they're just for shits and giggles to be honest.

I always told myself I'll be famous some way and some how. But I failed my younger self.I want to kill myself. I'm basically crying then I thought what about my future me.

My dream is to have kids and if I cant I'll adopt. And my dream to get married. I just cant have that. If I wanted to die then I'll lose weight so my body isnt heavy.

January 4, 2015 3:16 Work

Its my first time working.  I signed the papers about week ago(shut the fuck up it was really about a week ago).

I work at Hot Topic. I know,  I know you have to be 16 to work there but I know the manager, Miles, and my birthday is February 14 so he is cool with it.

He showed me how to fold the clothes with this weird thing. And since im 15 I cant work with the cash register. So Im looking out for the theifts and being nice to customers. Even though I steal from there from time to time.

"Your ready Amy? If its too much for you, you gotta tell me. Okay?"

"Yes, sir" since he is my boss I feel like I gotta address him as "sir".

"Please dont call me sir. You know me. Plus I sound fifty when you say that. Im only twenty-three."  He sounded slightly offended.

" Alright Miles" I smirked.

I walked up front where I see my first costumer.   It was a girl my age looking with jet black hair but it was natural. She was pretty. She had a Piece the Veil  shirt on with black van and red skinny jeans.

I smell a friend.

"Hey,  Im Amy if you need any help you can just get me. If you didnt know the whole store is half off and clearance is a $1. I love your shirt by the way." I informed her.

"Thanks so much" she replied.

" No problem" I smiled brightly.

6:30 pm

My shift is finally over no one stolen anything except from me. I managed to get some cute scull earrings.

I rode my bike home because my brother went to his bitchy girlfriends house. She skinny, tan, and she has green eyes. Her luxurious brown hair is to die for. She gorgeous did I mention? The only thing I hate is that she's with my brother and her personality.

He drove me here dont get me wrong but I put my bike in the back seat.

6:57 pm

I reached home in one piece. It was a good excerise.

"Sup sweety" so you said it because im fat, huh dad.

"Hey dad"

I ran up stairs where I could have piece with myself before I conversate with him.

I went on my phone on instagram on my depression/ pro ana page  @emptycorpse.

I went on @anasfriendlol 's page shes so beautiful.   I want to be her be skinny like her.

I scroll through some photos and found my crushes page(no hes doesnt have page like mine it's personal).

I was reading it and he has a gf that I didnt know he had. She was skinny and the pretty emo that everyone loves.

He would never love me because im fat and a suicidal emo that no one will miss.

I feel so betrayed me and him got close but it doesnt have a effect on him I guess. His name is Matt. Ugh why am im a disgusting blob of fat thats the scum of the earth.

Now im crying. I ran to the draw. I picked up a small silver object. I made a word on my thigh. FAT for what I've become.
8:00 pm

I go to sleep dreading dinner.

A/N:
The kid up top in the pic is Dylan O'Brien ♥.♥
I GOT GAUGES THEY BURN BUT I LOVE THEM ♥·♥·♥