I'm Trying

Program

March 24, 2015 2:15

I always seem to not go to my program when I write. I dont know how but it happens, yanno?

I watched as the big, blue,  hunk of a van came up to my schools parking lot. I jumped in where I was greeted by everyone in there. I put my earbuds in and sat in the third row in the back and I layed down.

3:15 pm

I sat down on the ground and I just watch everyone.  We werent allowed to have our phones after two kids that knew each other way before sent nudes to each other. I dont know why im not allowed. I send nudes but its to people out of state.

I layed on the floor and fell asleep. Im pissed that I cant have my phone because of two stupid kids.

3:30 pm

"Amy, wake up time for group." I was rudely dragged away from my peace of the dream I had.

I was dreaming that I had a boyfriend and I was skinny and perfect. Everyone wanted me.

I got up groggy and tired. Today was my graduation(the day I leave the program). I should be happy and perky, not sad and tired.

Everyone sat in a circle and my therapist sat next to me.

"This is Amy's last day of being here in the program. She will take the skills that she learn and put it in the real world. She has been here for a year. I watched her grow into a bigger person everyday. I will surely miss her." She talked on and on about how she'll miss me and about my anger and self-harm about me being clean. Which is a lie I have cut in the past but never share in group. But thats only for me to keep.

Everyone said that I change and that I lookef healthy. If only they know what I was doing to be "healthy". I smile and said thank you to everyone for their input.

5:35pm

It was dinner time I dreaded it. I hate the fact I have to eat. But I seen the delicious food that was a once and a lifetime thing that had happened here. I just had to eat it and I dont want them to get suspicion of my eating habits on my last day. I had fried chicken and potato salads.  I had three helpings of each. I wanted to purge but they have policy of people using the bathrooms after dinner unless it was forty-five minutes later.

I felt sick.

8:25 pm

I got home and ran upstairs to where my scale was. I ran into my bedroom,  picked up the scale and ran to the bathroom.

180 lbs

I've let myself go. Oh no not today. I will be skinny. Tomorrow I will go for a mile run. And I will do what it takes for skinny to happen.

I listened to my motivation song. Then I drifted off to dreamland.
An:

This story is about amy its sorta my  story but its but its mostly about her

Thank you for reading have a supercalifragilistcispialidous day ♥♡♥