New Storm Rising

18. Entertaining Times

"Bluuurgh! Gurgh! Gnaargh!"

I really, really, really had to stop putting my foot in my mouth.

"Relax," a cool voice ordered from behind me. "Breathe."

"What," I croaked, "through the vomit?"

"If you are capable of growing gills, by all means."

Oh yes. I definitely had to stop putting my foot in my mouth. Especially since there were so much better places for it. Like, for instance, up Mr Rikkard Ambrose's backside!

Reaching out with a napkin, he gently wiped the unmentionable substance off my mouth, then exchanged the full bucket in front of me for a fresh one.

All right, maybe his backside will be spared.

"Blargh! Gargh!"

I was normally not a girl to take long with her morning routine. This fine frigging morning, however, I took the teensiest-weensiest bit longer than normal. Like three bloody hours!

"Honestly!" I gasped and pushed myself upwards when the faucet that was my mouth had finally stopped running. "This is getting ridiculous! I'm not on a ship! I'm not riding a carriage, either! For heaven's sake, I haven't even gotten out of bed yet! What is going on with me?"

Mr Ambrose gazed out of the window, seeming suddenly very interested in the tweeting songbirds outside. "I couldn't possibly say."

"Well, neither could I." Sighing, I sagged back against his oh-so-solid, dependable chest. "I'm beginning to think I should try out Fizzlewiz Fabulous Fitness Serum."

"Do not. Not under any circumstances."

"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't touch that stuff. Instead, I should...I probably should..."

"Yes?"

"Drink a bottle full of tree sap."

"That," Mr Rikkard Ambrose stated, "was not what I thought you were going to say."

"I know." I cocked my head, licking my lips. "Wasn't what I thought I was gonna say either. But suddenly, tree sap seems really delicious. Can I go outside? There are lots of trees outside, and if I scrape the bark off—"

"No."

"Please, just a taste—"

"No." Mr Ambrose's grip on me tightened. Under normal circumstances, I'd be delighted. But now? Didn't he understand? I needed sap! I needed tree bark!

And, pray, why do you suddenly need that?

Oh, who cares! My kingdom for my fix!

"Please..." Snuggling up against him, I batted my eyelashes up at him. "I'm your darling little wife. We're on our honeymoon. You wouldn't want to starve me, would you?"

"I would not. However, I would also not consider feeding you tree sap."

"Some grass, maybe?" I suggested hopefully.

A little voice in the back of my mind was telling me that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't a good idea to be munching grass and tree bark. On the other hand, a brand new, much louder voice that I had never heard before was yelling at me that, hell yeah, it was a bloody brilliant idea! And why had I never thought of it before? I was getting a whole lot of brilliant gastronomical ideas lately.

"No. No grass. No clover. No daisies." Grabbing my arm, my ruthless, stingy husband pulled me up and, throwing one of his shirts over my head, started manoeuvring me towards the dining room. "Eggs. Bacon. Now."