The General's Wife

Kabanata 2

Love

Maghahating-gabi na nang makarating ako sa condo na tinitirhan naming mag-ina.

Kakalipat lang namin dito pagkatapos kong magdesisyon na bumukod na sa mga magulang ko.

Ayaw kong maabala pa sila lalo na't may dalawa pa akong kapatid na pinapaaral nina Mama at Papa.

Kumuha na lang ako ng tagabantay ni Raul na magbabantay at susundo sa kanya sa eskwelahan habang nagtatrabaho ako.

"Mama? Ikaw na ba 'yan?" Napangiti na lamang ako matapos kong makitang ginugusot pa ni Raul ang kanyang mata habang hinahanap ako.

Kahit halos hindi na ako gumagawa ng ingay habang nagbibihis ay naramdaman niya pa rin ang pagdating ko.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at kinarga siya dahil halatang inaantok pa siya kaya lang ay gumising lamang para makita ako.

Halos isang araw din kami na hindi nagkita ngayong araw kaya naman alam ko na nami-miss na ako ng baby ko.

"Yes, baby? Why are you still awake? Hmmm." Malambing kong tanong sa kanya.

"Sa'n ka po galing, Mama?" Inosente niyang tanong sa akin habang isinisiksik ang kanyang mukha sa leeg ko.

"I had to do something important to a nearby place, baby. I'm sorry na natagalan si Mommy, okay?" Sabi ko sa kanya while tapping his back slowly.

"I missed you po, Mama," sabi niya habang hinihigpitan ang pagyakap sa akin na para bang hindi sapat ang salita kaya ipinaparamdam na lamang niya sa akin ang kanyang pangungulila.

Napangiti na lang ako sa sinabi ni Rau. This son of mine is really sweet and I feel so loved because of his words.

"Really? You missed me?" I joked while kissing his chubby cheeks.

"Super!"

"Really?"

"Yes, Mama! That's why I can't help but wake up 'cause I missed you so much and I want to hug you." He said sweetly.

While Raul is saying how much he missed me, I realized why I am still fighting and why I still feel alive despite the hardships I experienced in the past.

Hiniga ko si Raul sa kama and I continued tapping his back gently.

I looked at my son and realized na tama nga sila, your darkest days will eventually give way to your daylight.

Rau will always be my constant reminder that everything has a reason. That whatever our struggles today, one day, all of it will gonna make sense. We just have to trust the process. And heal, one day at a time.

"Na-miss ka rin ni Mama, Rau. Miss na miss." I said to my son.

I smiled while I saw how my son sleeps so peacefully with a smile on his face after I said how much I missed him.

I'm sorry, baby. Hindi ko masabi sa'yo na nagkita kami ng tatay mo. Someday, I'm gonna introduce you to him. Kahit na ipinagtabuyan niya tayo noon. Hindi ko sasabihin sa iyo dahil alam ko masasaktan ka nang sobra tulad ko.

I wiped my tears fast nang biglang gumalaw si Rau. But he didn't wake up.

Nang masigurado kong mahimbing na siyang natutulog, lumabas na ako para i-check if maayos bang na-lock ni Ate Lina ang mga bintana at tsaka ang pinto sa kusina.

Si Ate Lina ang kinuha kong tagabantay kay Raul habang nagtatrabaho ako. 35 years old na siya. Matanda lang sa akin ng 7 taon.

Agad din akong bumalik sa kwarto at tinabihan si Rau. Pero bago pa man ako makahiga sa kama ay biglang umilaw ang cellphone ko.

Marco is calling. I don't know what he's up to again.

Gaano man ako naiinis dahil nadadamay kami sa trabaho niya when in the first place, hindi naman dapat kasi technically, in the eyes of his people we're not related. But I still chose to answer the call. For Rau, Laia. Konswelo ko sa sarili ko.

"Hello?" I let him talk this time. I don't want to shout again.

He continued. "I don't want to call because I know you are tired, and we might end up shouting at each other again. But, can we talk again tomorrow, Ia? Please, I really need you to cooperate with me this time..." may pagsusumamo sa boses niya.

I don't know if I'll agree with him or not. But thinking about the safety of my son, I did.

Alam kong mga halang ang kaluluwa ng mga kapartido niya. Gagawin ang lahat mahawakan lang nila sa leeg ang presidente. And sadly, alam nila ang tungkol sa anak namin ni Marco.

Bago pa man ako makasagot kay Marco, may narinig kaming munting boses.

Kinukusot pa ni Rau ang mga mata niya nang inabot ako ng maliit niyang mga kamay para yakapin. Nagising na naman dahil sa ama niya. Tsk.

"Mum? Hindi ka pa po ba matutulog?" Inaantok na saad niya sa kanyang munting boses.

I hugged my baby. Hindi talaga siya sanay na wala ako sa tabi niya. Kahit pwede naman na hindi na kami magkatabing matulog, mas pinili kong hindi siya ihiwalay ng kwarto. I can sleep better when he's beside me.

"Hmm. Why did you wake up? Matutulog na rin si mommy." I said while I snuzzled his neck. This boy can be cute and handsome at the same time. Just like his father. Oh wait, speaking of his father.

"I saw you leaving the room. That's why I decided to wait for you." He replied while his eyes are so sleepy.

"Okay, baby. We'll sleep na. But Mama needs to talk to someone for a minute. Just stay quiet muna, ha?" I said to Rau who is half-asleep already.

"Copy, Mum. Love you," he said. My baby can be so sweet and clingy sometimes.

"Love..." Nanigas naman ang katawan ko nang magsalita ang ama niya. Hmp! What's with the endearment, Mr. President?

Nilipat ko muna ang cellphone sa kaliwa kong tainga. I don't want Rau to hear the bullsh*ts his father are spitting.

"How's our baby? Hindi ba siya makatulog na hindi ka katabi?" I don't want to name it but I can hear longing in this brute's voice.

"He can't. Obviously, because of you," I said irritated by the fact that he's here now talking like he missed his son so much when 5 years ago I begged for him to take us back! How stupid.

"I missed him..." Is he crying again? May naririnig akong maliliit na hikbi sa kabilang linya.

"No one misses you here." I blatantly said to him. I don't care about his pain right now.

"Love...Please, don't be so brutal," aniya.

"I know I've been a bad father...and a partner but can't I missed you and Rau?" Puno ng pagsusumamong saad niya.

How things between us turned out sucks.

"Fine. Let's meet tomorrow. Pick a place where people can't see us. I don't want to be seen with you." I agreed to meet him for my son. Nothing else, nothing more.

"Alright. Thank you." He said.

Silence again. I know he has a lot more to say but I know he knows I don't have time to hear them, moreso to believe them. So, he chose to shut up.

"I'll hang up now. Just send me the details of the place." I'm the one who broke the silence before he choose to spit nonsense things again.

"Okay. I'll end the call now. Please take care and sleep tight," he said.

At may pahabol pa. "Kiss Rau for me. Bye, Laia."

I can't help but sigh. Why did we end up in this situation, anyway?