ᵒⁿᵉ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐒 ˡᵃʳʳʸ ˢᵗʸˡⁱⁿˢᵒⁿ (ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉᵈ)

home

They sit on the tour bus later. Niall's head rests in Liam's lap. Louis desperately wants to do that to Harry but Niall's the only one who can do that platonically without question. Without judgement. Without everyone wondering if he's really straight. 

If Louis did that, it would just make everyone think that he's gay. Well, he is, but nobody but him and Harry need to know that. Because they might hate him. And if they hated him, if he ruined the band for them, Harry wouldn't forgive him.

"What time is the concert?" Zayn asks, breaking the loaded silence.

"Eight." Niall responds. "It's already seven. We better be there soon or we're going to be late. And we can't be late. If we're late, we ruin the show."

"We won't be late, Niall." Harry says, staring out the window. At Louis's reflection. Because staring at the real Louis would give him away. 

Then the bus pulls up to a building with a crowd of screaming girls. Some wave signs. Some wave phones. Some wave their hands. Most of them just scream. Liam climbs off first, then Niall, then Zayn. Louis gives Harry a soft, loving look before climbing off himself. Harry climbs off last and is greeted by the shouts and hands of teenage girls. It's louder than normal. It feels that way, at least.

The fact that he can't tell anyone about him and Louis hurts more today. He can't work out why, it just does. His heart physically aches. All he wants to do is kiss him in front of everyone. But he doesn't. He restrains himself.

Harry smiles and gives autographs, answers questions like normal until one girl with short blonde hair walks over to him.

"Excuse me?" She says, linking her hands behind her back. "Are you and Louis together? I heard you two are together."

Harry freezes. Niall, Zayn and Liam burst out laughing and Louis joins in nervously. Harry and Louis's eyes meet and Louis gives an awkward smile.

Harry takes a moment before responding. "No." He says simply. "No, we're not." And it hurts so bad to say that, his heart practically breaks. 

She nods. "Okay." She runs off, clearly disappointed.

Harry catches Louis's eye and smiles at him. Louis smiles back, but it's different. More pained. A sadness lurking in his smile that isn't usually there. The five of them walk backstage and sit down, waiting for the concert to start. 

"What songs are we doing, Niall?" Louis asks, trying to make sure none of them talk about what the girl said. He doesn't want to have to look Harry in the eye right now. 

"You know what songs we're doing." Niall says, a gossipy grin spreading across his face. "Let's talk about what that girl said. Funny, wasn't it? Where'd she get that idea? I mean, I guess I see it, but why'd she really think it?"

"I have no idea." Liam says, shrugging. He isn't convinced.

"Yeah," Harry says, a tone of sadness in his voice. He hates lying. "No idea."

Niall nods, though he makes a mental note to talk about it later with Harry and Louis. "Alright, boys. Let's go."

They walk onstage and Harry gives Louis a quick smile before they start, both of their eyes glittery in the spotlights. 

The crowd screams. The lights are bright. Everything is so loud. But Harry can't be bothered by it. He just has to sing.

You're insecure

Don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the door-or-or

Don't need makeup

To cover up

Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know-ow-ow

You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm lookin' at you, and I can't believe

You don't know, oh-oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh-oh

That's what makes you beautiful

Every song Harry sings, he doesn't direct it at the crowd of teenagers. He doesn't direct it at any girlfriend he's ever had. He sings them to Louis. Everything is for Louis. Every single word he says, it's for Louis. He couldn't imagine it any other way. Louis is the one he loves and he knows he always will be.

When they finally get home, Louis falls flat on his face on their bed. Harry chuckles. He sits next to him, rubbing small circles on his back. He doesn't even understand how he can love anyone this much. He didn't know that love like this really existed. He thought it was just in fairy tales. But the second he laid eyes on Louis, he knew. He knew that he was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. 

"Long day, huh, love?" Harry says, smiling at him, his smile full of love.

Louis rolls over onto his back. "Yeah. I hate that I have to pretend around everyone else. Why can't we just tell the other boys at least? They'd be fine with us. They wouldn't care, Hazza."

"We can't risk it, Lou." Harry says, playing with his hair, tangling it between his fingers. He just wants to kiss him. Why does talking have to be a thing. "You know that."

Louis swallows, nodding. "Yeah. I do know that. It just hurts sometimes. All the time. Really bad."

"I know, Lou, I know. I do. But hey," Harry says. "We're together now. Let's make the most of it, yeah?"

Louis nods again, sitting up. Harry kisses him, putting a hand on his cheek and Louis kisses him back, resting a hand on his hip. And even though it's perfect, they both know exactly what they're missing. And it hurts.