Camping (Lashton)

Chapter 16

Luke's P.O.V

...

I had a bowl of cereal in my lap and a banana to my right. I was currently in my room watching Family Guy. It was one of Ashton's favorite shows. 

I never got the jokes and always thought it didn't make sense with how people liked the stupid fat guy and nazily talking, red headed woman. The only person I liked was Stewie. I don't even know what I liked about the football headed toddler. I just did. 

I haven't eaten in over a month. I didn't like the feeling of ribs pushing against my skin, it was uncomfortable. I didn't like that I could push my hand all the way under my ribs. I didn't like being skin and bones. I wanted to be healthy. Not overweight and not underweight; I want to be the right size. 

I tore the banana open and took a bite. 

I felt sick.

I sat up quickly, not caring that I spilled the milk all over my bed sheets and my pants, no. I ran into my bathroom and spit up the banana, puking up acid afterwards. I pulled back up and flushed the toilet, closing the lid. Suddenly, my fingers started shaking and I started crying. I was so scared. 

I couldn't eat. Not that I'm choosing, but I literally cannot. 

What the hell do I do?

...

"Can I please talk to Ashton?"

"No, you don't understand, please."

"God dammit, please!"

"Tell him to talk to me. Hand him the fucking phone."

"No! I won't stop cussing!"

"Just..."

"Please."

"What, Luke?" 

"Hi," I breathed, sniffling.

"What?"

"I-I can't eat, Ashton. I'm so scared. I tried eating a piece of banana earlier and it came back up. I haven't eaten in a month and now I literally can't and I don't know what to do," I sobbed, "what the hell do I do? I'm so fucking scared!"

"Luke, Luke," he spoke, his tone softer now, "calm down, love."

My heart stopped at the word love. I nodded even though he couldn't see me. 

"I'm coming, okay? And I'm going to help you. I love you."

"I-I love you, too."

...

Ashton rubbed his thumbs over my cheeks and kissed me softly. 

"Why'd you leave?" He looked into my eyes as we stood in my room.

"I thought you guys didn't want me around anymore. You did stuff without me all the time and never came to my cabin and-" Ashton cut me off by kissing my cheeks, kissing away the tears I didn't know were falling from my eyes.

"I always want you around, love. I'm so sorry." He rubbed his nose against mine and pecked my lips softly.

His arms wrapped around my waist and he frowned.

"You're even smaller than before, Luke. Why did you do this?"

"I-I was sad. I'm sorry," I said pulling away. 

"That's not the exact reason, I know," Ashton sighed. He pulled me against him again and ran his hands up and under my shirt, over my sunken in stomach and my ribs. He never grimaced or flinched back from surprise and disgust, no, but I noticed a flash of hurt cross his eyes. 

Tears started falling from his eyes and his lip started trembling.

"Oh, god, Luke," he whispered. 

"I'm sorry," I said and started tearing up at the sight. 

"You're so fucking beautiful, okay? So unique and lovely and wonderful and you're your own person and I love you," Ashton said.

"I love you, too."

He pulled me into a gentle hug, careful just in case he would hurt me. I wrapped my skinny, pale arms around his neck and he pulled me up, wrapping my legs around him. We stayed standing like that in my room for a few minutes, but it felt like hours.

Beautiful hours. 

...

"Calum wants to talk to you," Ashton spoke and handed me his phone.

I smiled and pressed the phone against my ear softly, gently speaking into the reciever.

"Hey, Cal. I miss you."

"Luke! I miss you, too, buddy! How are you? Where'd you go? Wait, no, why?" I could hear the pout in his voice. 

"I...," I paused, twirling a string that clung off of my shirt, "I just had to get away, I guess. I wasn't feeling that well and I was getting a little home sick as well."

"Oh, well, Mikey and I miss you lots," Calum said happily.

"I miss you guys, too."

"Can we come see you after camp ends? It's not that long 'till it does."

"Of course."

"Yes! Okay, well, can't wait to see you then! Miss you!"

"Me neither. Bye, Cal Pal."

I handed the phone to Ashton and fumbled with my fingers. 

"I love you," Ashton spoke randomly and I looked to see him staring at me with a fond look lacing his eyes and face.

I blushed and whispered, "I love you, too."