Is That What You Want?

Chapter 4: Looks Like You Need a Refill

Bellamy stood on the guard's post and glared out over the woods. There wasn't much to see since it was already practically pitch dark except for the makeshift torches that lined the road to Arkadia's entrance. 

Clarke had been in Polis for a few weeks and, since then, there hadn't been any incidents. "I guess Lexa did feel guilty for abandoning our people at Mount Weather," he thought. 

For a second, he turned around to watch the kids laugh and dance around the bonfire. 

He was never the party type. When you all first got to the ground, he was one of the oldest there. Because of this, he felt like it was his responsibility to watch over everyone and to make sure nothing got out of hand. 

It was nothing new to him. Since Octavia was born, he felt the responsibility that weighed on his shoulders. But now, instead of one girl under the floor... it was a whole camp of kids in the middle of new world that wanted to kill them. 

As his eyes scanned the crowd, he caught a glimpse of you making your way over to your friends. The way the light from the fire danced on your skin was enough to make him catch his breath. With your hair down, and the gentle waves framing your face, you looked almost angelic. All he could think of was tucking a strand of it behind your ear and pulling you in for a kiss. 

But after you walked away from him this morning, he worried that maybe you had changed your mind about your relationship. Maybe you were bored with him? Maybe there was someone else? But who? 

He noticed you had been spending a lot of time with Jasper.

And the way Murphy looked at you when you were together. Well, it made his blood boil. 

Maybe... 

Bellamy shook his head and redirected his focus to the woods. "Lincoln said he would talk to her," he thought. "No sense in overthinking right now." 

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"Y/N!" Jasper flailed his hands in the air. "You made it! Come claim your prize."

Y/N saw Jasper, Monty, Raven, and Murphy gathered around the drum of moonshine, a slight buzz already painted on their faces.

"Why thank you, good sir." You took the cup from Jasper's hand and took a big sip. You felt a burning sensation travel down your throat into your chest. "Oh, that is HORRIBLE," you coughed. "How do you drink that?"

"It gets easier after the second cup," Murphy chimed.

Raven laughed, "and even easier after the third and fourth."

"Well, I guess I need to catch up then," you said as you reluctantly chugged the rest of your cup.

For a second, everyone was shocked. This was a side of you they hadn't seen in a while. They quickly let out a mix of cheers and laughs as you slammed the cup down on the table. You couldn't remember how long it had been since you last had a drink but the numbness making its way to your lips was becoming a quick reminder.

"Slow down there, lightweight."

You turned around to see Lincoln with his arm draped over Octavia's shoulder. "You aren't that coordinated when you're sober... I'd hate to see you when you're drunk."

Octavia walked towards you and pulled you into a hug. She held on a little longer and tighter than she usually did... and it was almost enough to break down the mask you had put on earlier in the shower room. Before the tears could form, you pulled away.

"Nice to see you too, O."

"Who's ready to party?" she yelled loudly. A silence swept over the camp. It made you think of when you first landed. She was so brave. The first one on the ground with a loud and joyous, "WE'RE BACK BITCHES!"

The camp cheered and, in what felt like a blink, it was like everyone followed her lead and kicked the party into high gear. The music got louder and it seemed like even the bonfire burned brighter. As you stared at Octavia, you barely noticed Murphy refilling your cup.

You got lost in thought watching the way she moved and commanded the crowd around her. There was something about those Blakes. Natural-born leaders.

Lincoln stood there with love in his eyes as he watched her too. It made your heart ache a little. Your eyes slowly made their way to the guard post where Bellamy sat. His back turned to the camp. 

When you were alone, Bellamy was completely yours. But in front of everyone else, you sometimes felt more like one of his soldiers. Everyone knew you were "something," but they didn't know quite what that something was.

And to be honest... neither did you.

It was obvious what you wanted. Hell, you dreamed about him being the father of your child. But Bellamy... well, Bellamy was Bellamy. The Camp Cassanova. He had been with half the camp before you fell into each other's arms after Mount Weather. What if he wasn't ready for anything serious? What if it was just the adrenaline from everything that had happened - and now he felt stuck with you? 

As much as that thought hurt, you didn't want to lose him. You were convinced it was for the best to keep your dream to yourself.

You chugged your second cup of Jasper's concoction. It was still gross, but Murphy was right... not as bad the second time around.

Before you knew it, Raven had snatched your cup, filled it again, and placed it firmly back into your hands. You sat down on the ground and watched the flames of the bonfire dance higher and higher into the night sky.

"So, what's going on?" You heard Lincoln's quiet voice next to you. You don't know when he sat down next to you but his eyes were locked on the bonfire as he waited for you to speak. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I know you don't think I'm that blind, Y/N. I'm dating a Blake too, remember?" 

You chuckled.

"It's not for the faint of heart," he laughed. 

You stared at the ground, playing with a blade of grass poking its way through the dirt. "Yeah, well at least O loves you," you sighed. 

His head snapped towards you. "Is that what this is all about? You think Bellamy doesn't love you?" 

"Nevermind, I shouldn't have said anything." 

"No, come on. Don't do that. You're like the sister I never had. We have to stick together." Lincoln nudged you with his shoulder. "Talk to me." 

You don't know if it was the three cups of terrible moonshine, but everything you were bottling up inside started pouring out like a waterfall. Lincoln just listened as the tears ran down your cheeks. You told him all about your dream, your doubts, the way you thought Bellamy was just holding out for Clarke. 

He put his hand on your back, as you wiped your cheeks with your sleeve. 

"You two are a mess." He said quietly with a small laugh. 

You shot him a dirty look, making him laugh even harder. He shook his head, standing up and brushing the dirt from his pants. "I'll be back." 

"Where are you going?" you asked worriedly. 

"Octavia," he called out as he nodded toward you. She ran over and pulled you up to your feet. 

"Come on, let's have some fun. Looks like you need a refill."