The Fallout by EveryThursday (reposted)

Fifteen

Day: 1296; Hour: 20

Hermione's eyes are drooping in exhaustion as she struggles to stay awake. She has had too many thoughts that she needed to sort through last night to be able to sleep. Ron had just left yesterday afternoon, and though she knows it is not a time to hold grudges over stupid things, she can't help but keep thinking about the things he said. She is still hurt, and still angry, but she can be those things after the war, and not now -- this is the whole reason she came back after her walk to talk to Ron and ignore the fact that anything was even said.

She needs to get it all off her chest though, for the sake of sleeping. Hermione knows that he will not want to hear it, but she knows he will listen anyway, because he always does.

"I feel like I haven't done my part in the war. I participate, but not like I did in the beginning. I've been feeling like I haven't done as much as I should be. That I should be with Harry and Ron, as I've always been." 

She doesn't think he will answer at first, his head still down and reading, and his expression the same as before she started talking. He surprises her though, sighing, and opening his mouth to give in. 

"Just because you haven't been with them, doesn't mean you haven't participated. You should know that just by remembering what's happened to you." He scratches his forehead. "Your intelligence really is overrated." 

"I know I've participated, but I don't know if it's been enough." 

"Granger, you do realize that they were on a Horcrux search team? That they have maybe had a handful of duels with Death Eaters since they left? That the whole reason Potter was pulled out was to keep him safe, and so he couldn't have been in that many dangerous situations? If you look at it for the facts, I'm sure you can deduce that you've likely done more than them in this war." 

"Finding the Horcruxes is more important than battles. If we don't find them, we could lose every battle we fight for all that it's worth." 

"The battles are just as important, if not more so. If we don't bring them down, and if we don't have our victories, Potter will be out of luck anyway. And who is to say that what you've done isn't enough? No one gets to say that. You're here. That's enough." 

"I just... I feel so far from them now. I've always been right with them. Now Ron acts as if I can't relate because I haven't been." 

"Then he's obviously the one that can't relate," he drawls. "Maybe, Granger, it's time for you to stop judging your worth by how much other people need you." 

She pauses, looking up at him as he continues reading the paper as if he hasn't come upon a revelation about her life and who she is, that no one else seems to have grasped. Perhaps he's just known it all along -- like it is common knowledge when it comes to who she is. 

She does need people to need her, and to count on her for things. This is the way she finds acceptance in the world. She depends on other people's dependence -- for her skills, her smarts, her friendship. She has always judged her productivity and her importance by this. 

"But that's the world. Our connections with people. That's the measure of our lives. Of who we are and what we leave behind." 

"But connection is based on need? A person can walk out of your life forever tomorrow, and that doesn't mean you haven't changed or connected to that person any less. You'll always be a part of their life; they'll always remember you. Just because they don't need you to get yourself killed for them, doesn't mean they won't remember how much they cared or care for you." 

"But they need you in the first place in order to build that connection."

"No. They want you around, and that's how a connection begins. Potter and Weasley, or any of your other mates, aren't going to stop wanting you around just because they don't need you anymore."