Patience( Book Two)

Year Five

"I would lie awake and pray,

that you don't lie awake for me."

__________________________________

New York City

May 28th

Raven watched as Angel and Marina made conversation while they got their mics adjusted. Their eyes bright with excitement as the techs praised their new song. It was strange, they all were so close in this room but Raven felt so far away. There was an infinite disconnect in the ocean between them, her and the reality of her existence. Growing wider and deeper and more crowded with secrets. She wasn't sure if Marina was noticing, she seemed concerned with other things. Things that were exciting and fun and endless in their magic, unlike Raven who had run out of such things long ago. Raven liked to think she was doing a pretty good job at hiding the less desirable parts of herself. Sure, she couldn't properly get a start on her day without a shot of cheap vodka in her coffee, but it wasn't a problem. It didn't affect her work, and yeah sure she was a little less than sober majority of the time—but she wasn't black out drunk. Peppermint gum had been her best friend as time went by, bad decisions were consolidated to nighttime and her own sorrows were successfully drowned in alcohol. If she wasn't hurting anybody, what was the harm? The harm is to yourself. She heard in her head, a voice taking the form of her brother. It seemed, more often than not these days, her conscience talked in the same tone as Charles. Shut up, Charlie. She thought back which she knew was rather foolish considering he wasn't actually talking to her.

"So, you're the infamous Raven Xavier?" A woman reading from an iPad spoke to her in a tone that bordered admiration. Raven regarded her briefly with a smile and nods.

"That would be me," she giggled kindly.

"It's a pleasure, we've been looking forward to having Peaches on Tiny Desk for awhile now. But, it seems you guys are chronically booked," the stage manager commented humorously. She shouted another order to someone before bringing her attention back to her iPad. Is that what I look like? Raven thought humorously.

"Yeah, since we got picked up by Wolverine Records, the world can't get enough Peaches," Raven smiled, pride and joy filling her chest. It was true, they'd grown from small town garage band status to an indie girl band with a full blown following. The interviews were pouring in and they'd made the cover of a few zines over the past few months. It was extraordinary to watch how people asked Angel and Marina for photos now when they went to eat. And it seemed, by association, Emma and Raven had grown in status too. Raven getting pegged as the sarcastic but likeable "girl boss" girlfriend and Emma as the unstoppable fashion icon. Their lives were extraordinary, Raven just wished she could enjoy it. But she felt numb, comfortably numb to everything.

"Tight fifteen before we start!" A booming voice echoed in the room. Raven took that as her queue to give her final wishes of luck to Marina and Angel.

"You two kill it today, okay?" Raven spoke as she smoothed out Marina's sweater softly with a smile before fixing Angel's collar of her button up.

"You got it," Marina winked and kissed Raven sweetly.

"I'll be right over there. And don't forget we have that lyric interview thing tomorrow, whatever it's called. Logan sent me a message about it earlier," Raven got lost again and was already dialing a number as she wandered off to her seat behind the camera crew. This was her life, phone calls and dates and deals. She loved it, at least she was content by it. It kept her busy.

Raven reached inside her purse and picked out her scheduling notebook and her water bottle. Her hands were trembling slightly as she took out her pen and began arranging the dates for the rest of the summer from her phone into her notebook. There was such discontent between her and this world that she built around herself. People walked by, barely noticing her as questions were asked in a preapproved interview. Everything was so...so phony. She hated it almost as much as she admired it. You only think that because you hate everything now. Her brother's voice once again scolded her thoughts and Raven sighed. I don't hate everything, I just hate fake things. She reminded herself before, in what could only be described as cosmic irony, taking out her vodka filled water bottle and downing enough to keep Charlie's voice silent and her hands from shaking.