Rebuilt

Chapter 17

When the men had left I just stood there. In the doorway. For 10 minutes. I had no idea what to do because Bucky and I always went on missions together...it was sort of weird to not. I awkwardly played with my hands as if I was waiting them to come back at any time.

After coming to my senses and realising they wont be back any time soon I huffed and slapped my hands on my thighs in a drumming pattern and turned away. I made my way to a cupboard in search of sandwich ingredients. Well filling. Oh I don't know. Anyway. I searched through the cupboards, the faint murmuring of some commercial sounded in the back. I eventually found some rye bread and some cheddar and pulled those out ready to cut. I then went through the cutlery draw to find a bread knife. But as soon as I picked the knife up I thought of hurting myself. My eyes flickered between my wrist and the knife I had to physically hold myself back so much to the point that my hands were shaking. Due to frustration I let out a loud shout and threw the knife at the couch to which it got stuck in.

"Shit." I cursed under my breath. I quickly ran to the couch and dislodged the knife and sprinted with it back to the kitchen to put it back. Like how a child would when they are in trouble. Like when Iris always used to sneak a bag of chips into her bedroom when she tried not to get caught. Our beautiful girl. She'd probably be with dad now due to the term ending.

Realising this I went to the cellphone that I forgot I had and dialled my father's number. I leaned on the counter as the phone rang. After about 4 rings a little voice came on the phone. "Y/N...hi I missed you...daddy is cooking with mommy in the kitchen so I answered." Morgan said adorably.

"Okay sweetie can you hand the phone to daddy...I'd love to talk but I gotta talk with him alright." I smiled when I heard her groan in annoyance.

"Daddy...Y/n wants you." Morgan called. I could tell she was running because I could hear her feet tap against the floor.

"Alright peanut." Dads voice called back faintly. "Hey sweetie what's up?" His voice sounded more concentrated now

"Am I on speaker?" I asked tapping my nails rhythmically on the counter.

"No...why...are you okay?" His voice sounded frantic and I could hear the clattering of something.

"I'm not doing to well." I said shakily trying to hold back tears. I needed to tell someone...I was throwing knives for God's sake.

"What happened?"

"I can't even cut a sandwich dad." My throat felt as if it was closing up from the urge I had to burst into tears.

"Oh honey bunny it's okay it's alright to struggle okay? Do you want me to come over?" He asked.

"I'm in Latvia." I said simply.

"I know...do you want me to come round?"

"No...can I talk to Iris...I just need to hear her voice." My voice broke slightly and I tilted my head up in futile attempts of containing the tears.  I waited a few minutes until I heard Iris.

"Hey mommy." I smiled at her voice but the tears did start. I just missed her so much that it hurt.

"Hey baby." I breathed out through the phone. "How are you doing?" I just wanted her to talk more because I couldn't trust my voice.

"Good...guess what we did the other day." She said excitedly.

"What." I sniffled.

"Well grandpa T took us to this place called the smithlondhions." I chuckled at her mispronunciation.

"The smithsonians?"

"Yeah that and he told us about uncle Steve...then after that we went to get ice and I got a double chocolate suprise...it was really yummy." She explained. I was so happy to see her voice that the tears kept going. "Where are you and dad I miss you."