Karev's heart beats

5) an explination

Alex POV

"Did you notice how much this place, and us standing here looks like the opening of a Hallmark movie?" Maddie said while placing on her blue latex gloves.

It had been two weeks since the incident and it was the first day that she was allowed back to work, plunged head first in with the hungry sharks.

"So we just gonna ignore the elephant in the room" she stops in the sun of the ambulance bay turning to me to continue. "Where you planning on going".

"To the patient" she shrugs.

"You know what I mean angel" yeah I started calling her a pet name, she's ruining me. "Where ya sleeping tonight".

"I have a friend" she shrugs.

"Very funny, but seriously where you staying" she laughs slapping my arm lightly.

"If you must know ace" she drags out the name making me shake my head "I'm going home, to my apartment". She says and something in me breaks.

"Alone" I almost yell at her to witch she gives a confused smile.

"Yeah"

"No, no no no no no no" I shake my head and wave my arms dismissing the idea "absolutely not" she only grows more confused.

"What why not" and the It hits her "I'm not going to home and-" but before she can say it I cut her off unable to get the stain of the images of that night from my memory.

"Don't....." I sigh.

"Alex I'm fine I'll be ok"

Before I can open my mouth Meredith barges through the glass doors 'accidentally' hitting Maddie as she goes and not apologising to witch I give her a not so friendly look.

"What she was in my way" Meredith shrugs but before I can snap her neck the ambulance pulls up and Bailey is in action.

"This conversation isn't over angel" I point to her as we go our separate ways.

The next couple hours where Hell not being by her side for the first time in weeks, I was consistently checking on her making sure she was ok and eating my anxiety reaching new levels.

And by the time our shift was done we where both bloodied and exhausted I took her bag throwing it over my shoulder and making my way to my car.

"Hey" she calls after me as I throw her bag into my back seat before making it round to the other side of the car opening the Door and gesturing for her to get it. To witch she stands there unmoving. "Get in the car angel".

"What are you doing".

"Taking you home what does it look like I'm doing" I say to her.

"I don't understand".

"Get in the car angel"

"No, not until you explain" she stands her ground stubbornly.

Slamming the car I let out a frustrated groan "you want an explanation angel, you want to know why I'm taking you to your apartment, why on my break i went to my place and packed a bag. Why I'm not leaving your side until I know that your ok." She looks at me in shock. "You want to know that ever time I close my eyes I see you on that fuçking floor with those stupid pills and your blue skin"

Tears are falling now. "You want to know that I can't leave you, having you out of my sight for more than a seconds, even that is painful. You want to know I'm sick and tired of this and I just want it to stop but at the same time I want to hold onto it because it's new and it's mine and I don't know what this feeling is.

My breathing is heavy "you want to know that if you don't let me go home with you and sleep on your floor right next to your bed then I'm going to Sit outside your house in the cold all night long just so that I know when I open my fucking eyes I can see you.no can see you breathing. That your not dead. That your not leaving me angel" we stand in silence neither moving until she runs to me.

Burying her head in my chest here breath fanning out across my chest as I rest my chin on her head.

"Because I can't explain, I don't know" I sigh "it beats the shit outta me but I do" without another word she gets into the car I close the door carefully behind her.

She turns everything so slightly to me voice trembling. "Let's go home then" and warmth explodes in my chest "let's go home ace" she smile gently a loose tear escaping her eye.

That night I didn't sleep on her floor instead I slept in her bed her in my arms our feet tangled in the white bed sheets and fluffy socks. The Rhythm of her steady breathing lulling me to sleep.

I don't know what this feeling is but I don't want to let it go quite yet.