Disappointment Child.

4.

"Thank you Mandy for the ride. Drive safe, love you." I say as we exit out the car. Mandy blows a kiss and drives off. As Esmeray and I approach the house, we can already hear yelling.
"It's only 5:37pm how are the already arguing?" I say aggressively under my breath. I look at Esmeray and shes look at the ground.
"Why don't they stop fighting Mara? It's like this everyday and I hate it." Esmeray says with pain in her voice. God I hate this life for her. She deserves so much more and I can't give it to her yet. As we stand in front of the door, bracing ourselves to go in, I feel a hand grip my shoulder, Amais.

"Esmeray, you go straight to my room when we go in. I have headphones and an Ipad in there and I want you to plug the headphones in and put the volume up until you can't hear anything, understand?" Amais is our protector. Him and I were always the same except I have resentment for him because he is never home and then I'm the only protector of us all.

"I understand" she responds.

Amais glances at me and I give him a nod telling him i'm ready. He opens the door and Esmeray goes straight to Amais's room and does what he says.

Amais and I can't even make out what my mom and dad are saying because they are just yelling over each others voices. I clench my fists together at the sight of them. When you walk into our house, on the left in the living room, on the right there's a little hallway that leads to all of our room doors, and right in front is the dining room where they are currently yelling at each other.

"CAN YOU GUYS STOP FUCKING FIGHTING!" I yell out. They both look at me and Amais as we stand near the door. My mother, gives me her dark cold stare that she gives when she's drunk.

"You're one to talk Tamara. All you do is disrespect us and you want us to obey you?" My mother says aggressively. She starts coming towards me and Amais walks up to our dad and tries to calm him down as he is breathing angrily.

I keep quiet because I know if I open my mouth, I will say things I'll regret. She's now a few inches away from my face and I stand up tall showing that I'm not scared of her.

"ANSWER ME TAMARA!! YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING OBEY YOU LIKE YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN. YOU'RE NOTHING. YOU'RE A FUCK UP DISAPPOINTMENT."

"And what the hell does that make you then?" I respond. I was not going to let her talk down on me. She looks at me with shock, and then nothing but pure darkness and rage fills her eyes. She grabs my hair and punches me right in the face. I try to get out but she knees me in the stomach and I fall to the ground where she proceeds to kick me over and over. Blood is spilling from my mouth and I couldn't see straight.

"GET OFF OF HER MOM PLEASE! LET HER GO! STOP! STOP!"

Esmeray...what is she doing out here? She can't be watching our mom beat me. It'll traumatize her.

My dad runs up to my mother and pulls her off of me as Amais runs to my crying sister and takes her out of our sight.

"YOU PATHETIC NOBODY!" my mother continues to yell all types of insults. I slowly start getting up and I spit the blood out of my mouth.

"Im pathetic? Says the one that beats their own kid in front of her damn little sister." I say with pain in my voice as im looking at the ground. I can't stand to look up at her right now. I feel something hot dripping down my face. I then realize i'm crying and I can't stop the tears from falling. Fuck, Esmeray saw her own mother beating me. Im just happy it was me and not her. I swear to god if my mom or anyone ever lays a finger on Esmeray, i'd kill them.

Esmeray's POV:

I've been feeling so lost recently. Amais is always gone, leaving us with our alcoholic mother and our verbally abusive dad. Jensen is so damn quiet and doesn't even know how to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, Tamara is always protecting me. She gives me a voice when I dont have one. I am 11 but i'm also very sensitive. I dont know how to protect myself so I look up to her. I wish she could have the life she deserves and stops doing things for me. But I need her to protect me. I've been feeling so sad and got to the point where I made a big mistake. I cut myself because I heard it makes you feel something and it relieved so much pain I was feeling. I can't tell Tamara, she would be so disappointed. I cut the inside of my thighs, not too deep, but deep enough to feel it. I've just felt so alone and I want to tell Tamara but if I do, she would blame herself. She's my best friend, my idol, I look up to her. I dont want her to look down on me.
I listened to Amais, I put the headphones on and watched videos and I couldn't hear anything. All of the sudden, the video froze, causing me to hear everything happening. I heard Tamara grunting so I got worried and went out there to see my mother beating her bad. My heart dropped and at that moment I had nothing but pure hate for that woman. I tried my best to tell her to get off but Amais quickly grabbed me.

"Its okay Esmeray dad is going to stop them right now. You're safe and she'll be okay I promise."
Shut the fuck up. You're never here. I wanted to say that so badly but all I could do was cry. I'm so weak and pathetic. I hate this family. I just want to leave and never come back.