Disappointment Child.

8.

Esmeray's POV:

As I walk out, I see that Mandy is the one signing me out of school. I glance around and I can't seem to see my sister anywhere.

"Hey lil' Ray. Your sister is at a friend's house so she asked me to pick you up. You hungry?" I always feel safe with Mandy so I dont mind going with her.

"Yeah, a bit." I haven't been eating much lately. I really dont know what's gotten into me because I really don't feel like myself. I wish it would all just go away.

After getting some In-n-Out, we head home and Mandy walks me up to the door. She knocks 3 times and after a few moments, my mother answers the door.

"What are you doing with Esmeray and where is Tamara?" My mother asks sternly.

"Tamara is with a friend doing an assignment. I came to drop off Esmeray. She's already fed so you don't need to worry about that." Mandy says calmly, but I can see how much my mother angers her.

"You can go now. Esmeray, get inside." She grabs me and pulls me inside. Mandy shifts as she's about to say something to my mom, but keeps her mouth shut and walks back to her car. My mom shuts the door behind me.

I start to head to my room when my mom grabs me and smacks me across the face. I freeze at this action because my mother has never hit me. As she kneels down into my face, I can smell the booze in her breath. Vodka.

"You never EVER leave with her alone you fucking hear me?!!" She yells. Amais comes out of his room and sees my mother yelling at me. I start to cry and my mother just continues.

"You're so fucking dramatic Esmeray. You little fucking cry baby, go ahead, cry. Little Tamara isn't here to protect you now you little shit. You're gonna grow up to be just like her." Amais grabs me and puts me in his room.

I sit there and hear the faint yelling between the two. Why do I always just cry? I can never do anything else, but stand there and fucking cry. I think to myself. At this point, I feel there are no more tears to cry and I just sit there, numb. This is a time where I get the urge to just slice my thighs. But I can't since Amais is going to walk in any minute now. This life...this family...everything is just...broken.

A few hours after the fight, Amais orders pizza for dinner. By now, everyone is home besides Tamara. I assume she just stayed the night at Mandy's house because she would be home by now. Three gentle knocks are places on my door.

"Come in." I say silently and the door opens.

"Hey Esmeray, how're you feeling?" Amais asks as he holds a plate with a slice of pizza on it. I'm grateful for the gesture but I can't smile.

"I'll be okay, just tired. You can leave the pizza on my nightstand. I just want to be alone for the rest of the night." I say as nicely as I could. He frowns and does as I say.

"I wont be here tomorrow and Jensen will be at work. I'll make sure Tamara is home okay?" He slightly smiles and shuts the door behind him as he leaves.

I hope Tamara is home tomorrow. I hate being alone in this stupid house. I never know whats going to happen while im here. I get the energy to get up from my desk and I walk over to my bed while grabbing the plate. I start to eat and quickly become full so I just place the plate back. I go to the bathroom where I turn the shower on and make sure the water is hot. As I get in, I stare at the razor that lays on the little counter in the shower. God I crave the blade. I grab the razor and I sit on the shower floor and place it on the inner part of my thigh where the rest of my cuts lay. I put pressure and swiftly pull to leave a nice clean cut. Blood starts to spill from the slice and I lay there, admiring it. I do only one cut for tonight. I get out of the shower and put some Neosporin on the cut so that it doesn't get infected. I get dressed and lay down in bed where I feel my eyes become heavy.

I wake up to the sound of my door creaking open. I lay still as my eyes begin to flutter open and I start to become more awake. I feel someone get into my bed and I lay there, frozen in fear. Im laying on my back with my head facing my right side. I feel a hand get placed on my stomach and it starts to go down to the waistband of my shorts. I whimper and begin to cry as I dont know who is touching me and I can't bring myself to look at them.

"Don't worry sweetie, I wont hurt you. Just relax and stay calm." I know this voice.

"Dad, please stop." I say in a silent but painful voice. He continues to put his hand more down my pants until he's full on touching me. He moves his hand back and forth and I just lay there crying. I feel his other hand move and I use my eyes to glance down, seeing him stroke himself while he touches me. I stop crying, and I completely shut down. Becoming numb to all feeling and touch. He grunts and starts to quietly moan, indicating that he finished what he was doing. Tears fell from my eyes as I lay there as he walks away. Before he leaves, he turns and slightly looks back,

"If you tell anyone what happened tonight, no one will believe you." He says as he scoffs and exits my room. I lay and look at the ceiling, still trying to process what my father just did to me. I have to tell Tamara, she will believe me. But if she found out, I dont know what she would do.