Ruined Fairy Tales

Once Upon a Time...

There is a certain kind of way that princes are supposed to act.

They are to be kind, gentle, but also with a spine of steel so that there is no doubt in anyone's mind that in times of hardship they will be there to support you, and their people. They are supposed be handsome and brave, always willing to put others before themselves and willing to risk themselves for the ones that they love. They are supposed to save princesses, and other types of damsels in distress from various forms of fantastical danger (dragons and evil wizards have always been my personal favorite).

They are not supposed to disrupt grand balls, especially not the kind meant to celebrate the upcoming nineteenth birthday of the local princess.

They are absolutely never to skulk around courtyards to prey on said soon-to-be nineteen year old princesses.

They are not supposed to hit princesses upside the head until she loses consciousness.

And they most certainly are not supposed to be the ones kidnapping the princesses!

Perhaps it would be better if I explained things from the beginning, before it all becomes too confusing.

You see, things in my world are to be done a certain way. Kings and queens are meant to preside over their peaceful kingdoms, protecting their people from evil creatures such as dragons, orcs, bandits, sorcerers, and whatever else crawls from the dark woods or caverns on the outskirts of proper civilizations.

Princesses are meant to attend lovely parties, attract the attention of dashing princes or valiant knights to ensure that they have someone who will take the risk in rescuing them once they have been kidnapped by said dragons, orcs, bandits, sorcerers, or whatever.

Princes are supposed to save the day, rescue their damsel who will be so awed by their heroics during the valiant battle that she immediately falls in love on the spot. Then they are to be wed, reign over their own joint kingdom, and make pretty babies to continue the cycle.

That is the way my world works. It runs on the fairytales of all its people, and the stories that every single person weaves are crucial to the continuation of the peace between the kingdoms that has made the land prosperous and safe. Without those fairytales, the entire world would collapse into a chaos of confusion or, gods forbid, war.

Our world, called Fairy (I know. Not the most original name, but the rulers at the time had had a devil of a time agreeing to anything, according to the histories), has run on this system for longer than any mortal can possibly remember (the elves probably remember a different time, but who knows what goes on in their pompous minds in their kingdom in the trees). In Fairy every single person is given their fairytale on the celebration (or lack thereof) of their birth by their own personal fairy godmother. My fairytale (a very respectable one, and much better than the princess' to north who was meant to get lost in a forest and to almost die of starvation before she was rescued) is to be kidnapped by an evil, wicked, ugly, probably old, and wrinkly sorcerer with bad teeth and then to be rescued by the love of my life, a handsome prince.

I had always secretly hoped that he would have dark hair.

My story was traditional for my status in the world, a nice kidnapping followed by rescue and then happily ever after. Given my birth right as a princess, it was expected. Obviously there were other stories more... mundane than mine. But everyone has a role to play in one way or another.

Sometimes you were meant to be the helpful Inn keeper who spotted the dragon flying west, princess clutched in is claws, and are meant to relay that information to the prince so he can arrive right in time to prevent his future love from being burnt to a crisp.

Perhaps you would be the lady-in-waiting who sees the evil, grinning face of the bandit slip out the window with the lady of the house swung unconscious over his shoulder so that you may sound the alarm.

And if it just so happens you are the destined villain, you just lived with it!

From the day my fairy godmother informed my parents of my destiny, I have been trained to the perfect damsel in for my future prince, the brave victim for my kidnapper... I had perfected a pretty faint years ago, and my lines had been rehearsed to the point of being able to recite them in my sleep! Everything was going as planned, I even had my eyes set on a particularly handsome prince, and I was only three weeks away from the night of my kidnapping (on the night of the full moon on my nineteenth birthday, I had gotten a new nightgown and everything!) when this lunatic, idiotic, narcissistic joke of a prince decided to meddle!

Instead of rescuing me, like any respectable prince would, he kidnaps me!

Damnit.